We went to Miami Grill (or is it Miami Subs Grill?) because we needed to know why it still exists

What's the deal with Miami Subs? Or is it Miami Grill? Who still eats here? We have questions.

What’s so Miami about Miami Subs Grill?

Not much.

The Miami is hard to find in this Florida-based fast food chain, unless you count the time several years ago when Pitbull became an equity partner. That, we admit, is peak Miami.

There’s a “Miami Vice” color theme going on. There are palm trees on the cups. But other than that, local connections are hard to find.

There aren’t even that many Miami Subs Grills left in Miami. There are only five. Even Broward has 16. There’s one in Myanmar and that one has a DJ. That’s pretty Miami. But last time we checked, Myanmar was not located in the 305.

Here are the two very important things you need to know about Miami Subs Grill:

  1. Founder Gus Boulis was murdered in a 2001 gangland-style shooting.
  2.  The seasoned fries are off the chain, and we will fight you if you try and say otherwise.

And if you think we’re being cavalier about Mr. Boulis’ death, you’re wrong. We’re not. We just really like those fries.

Otherwise, we’re not sure why Miami Subs continues to exist. Wait – we mean Miami Subs Grill. Or wait, is it Miami Grill? Could somebody please decide and let us know?

The food certainly doesn’t scream Miami, the way the black beans and rice and plantains do at Pollo Tropical. In fact, Miami Subs Grill is a monument to food from other cities and ancient Stone Age franchises.

Here are the highly non-Miami items you will find at whatever this restaurant is called:

Wings: Wings are the universal language of sports-loving beer drinkers who must eat with their hands to demonstrate savagery. This species exists in Miami but wide-ranging and not exclusive to Florida.

Cheesesteaks: They come from Philly (and are not better than Cuban sandwiches).

Gyros: Nope, not ours.

Burgers: Everybody sells burgers.

Subs: There are only four on the menu and none of them involve croquetas.

Nathan’s Hot Dogs: New York, sorry.

Arthur Treacher’s Fish and Chips: Way to sell that Latin vibe.

Salad: WHY?

On the bright side, the restaurant serves beer. Suddenly, when we look around at the other fast food franchises around town, we understand the appeal.

 

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