The anti Art Basel guide: How to survive Miami Art Week by not going near it

You are legally required to take a million photos at Santa's Enchanted Forest

So you hate Art Basel and Miami Art Week. You think everybody who cares about it is pretentious, and you take great joy in this belief. This is not very nice, but we get it. We’ve been stuck in that traffic, too.

So you won’t go to some parts of Midtown, Wynwood or Miami Beach from Dec. 6-9, and you don’t care who knows it.

No problem. Art Basel isn’t for everyone, and participation is not required. Still, you may actually want to do something beyond hide in your house or flee the 305 area code for these four days. If you want to get out, here are a few things you can do that won’t take you anywhere near the Art Week hotspots.

Explore The NightGarden at Fairchild

You’ll be taking a lot of photos at The NightGarden.

This 23-acre interactive light display, which runs through Jan. 6 at Fairchild Tropical Botanic Garden, includes lights, special effects, motion-sensing technology, holograms, sculptures and illuminated mazes. Your Instagram account will never be the same.

The NightGarden at Fairchild Tropical Botanic Garden, 10901 Old Cutler Road, Miami; 6- 10 p.m. Sunday-Thursday, 6-11 p.m. Friday and Saturday through Jan. 6. $28 adults, $20. Tickets here.

Check out “Miami Motel Stories: MiMo”

Will you meet the boxer, played by Daniel Gil? Maybe.Pedro Portal

This unique, immersive theater experience from Juggernot Theatre Company unfolds at an old Miami motel, where a ticket gets you a key to certain motel rooms. In them, you meet characters and hear their stories. It’s theater like you’ve never seen it.

Miami Motel Stories: MiMo”: Fridays and Saturdays through Dec. 23 at the Gold Dust Motel, 7700 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; www.miamimotelstories.com

See “Actually” at GableStage

Two college freshman consider the nature of consent and gender politics in this timely play.

“Actually”;  8 p.m. Dec. 6-8, 2 p.m. and 7 p.m. Dec. 9. at GableStage, 1200 Anastasia Ave., Coral Gables; $50-$65; students $15 on Thursday and Sunday nights. Tickets here.

Get your “Nutcracker” on

Find your holiday spirit and see Miami City Ballet’s “George Balanchien’s The Nutcracker.”Miami City Ballet

If you don’t mind driving north, you can experience one of two different versions of the holiday classic.

Arts Ballet Theatre of Florida: 7 p.m. Dec. 7-8, 3 p.m. Dec. 9 at Aventura Arts & Cultural Center, 3385 NE 188th St., Aventura. Tickets here.

Miami City Ballet Presents George Balanchine’s Nutcracker: 7 p.m. Dec. 7; 2 p.m. Dec. 8; 7 p.m. Dec. 9, Broward Center for the Performing Arts, 201 SW Fifth Ave., Fort Lauderdale. Tickets here. (It also runs Dec. 14-24 at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts, 1300 Biscayne Blvd.)

Celebrate winter down south

Celebrate Florida “winter” with the family for free at the South Dade Cultural Arts Center. Visit Santa, create holiday crafts, grab dinner at the food trucks and watch the movie “Unaccompanied Minors” on the lawn. Bring lawn chairs or blankets; no outside food allowed.

Winter Holiday Celebration: 6 p.m. Dec. 7, South Miami-Dade Cultural Arts Center, 10950 SW 211 St., Cutler Bay; free

Redland Heritage Festival & Craft Fair

We told you the Fruit & Spice Park was great – and that was on a regular day. The park really comes alive during its festivals. Even the iguanas get excited. Expect historical and art exhibits, crafts, tropical plants for sale and activities for kids including a petting zoo and pony rides.

Pro tip: Swing by Redland Market Village on the way home for inexpensive produce to take home.

Redland Heritage Festival & Craft Fair: 10 a.m. Dec. 8- 5 p.m. Dec. 9 at Fruit & Spice Park, 24801 SW 187th Ave., Homestead. $8; kids under 11 free.

Go to a hockey game

Florida Panthers center Nick Bjugstad – he’s the guy in red – takes a shot against the Ottawa Senators.Patrick Farrell/Miami Herald

Remember years ago when people in Miami acted like they liked hockey? Relive those glory days when the Florida Panthers take on the New York Rangers. Even if you don’t care much about hockey you can join in the joy of cheering against a New York team.

Panthers vs. Rangers: 7 p.m. Dec. 8, BB&T Center, 1 Panther Parkway, Sunrise. Tickets here.

Witness the magic of Santa’s Enchanted Forest

You are legally required to take a million photos at Santa’s Enchanted Forest

You know you want to experience the annual holiday ratchetness, er – enchantment.

Santa’s Enchanted Forest: 7900 SW 40th St, Miami

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