Miami kicked out Ultra Music Festival. Here are six places we think it could go instead

Photo illustration by Carlos Frias

Is the glow off the glow sticks? The Miami City Commission may have kicked Ultra Music Festival out of Miami – but now it could move to Virginia Key in 2019.

According to the Miami Herald, city officials and festival organizers are negotiating a deal to bring the three-day electronic music fest to a spot near Miami Marine Stadium.


Says the Herald: “In a statement Friday, Ultra organizers say they want to stage the festival in two “in-tandem” spaces on the key: the park next to the Miami Marine Stadium and Historic Virginia Key Beach Park. Under the arrangement, festival activities would be held in two separate areas of the island.


We’re not so sure Virginia Key is the best spot for this deeply beloved weekend of noise, tutus and tree-humping. So we have a few suggestions on where it can relocate.

The Medley landfill

Throw your used glow sticks on the ground. Throw up wherever. It’s a landfill. Your garbage won’t matter.

Marlins Park

Plenty of open space for deep house fans.

Sunset Place

Sunset Place

There’s always a bunch of kids smoking pot here anyway, and some ambient dub will liven things up.

Crandon Park

No need for Porta Potties with the poop beach so handy.

Coral Castle

The rock furniture is too uncomfortable for anybody to pass out on for long.


Because 100,000 selfie-taking young people who look like a unicorn threw up on them are still better than chain restaurants and strip malls.