The hottest Miami costume ideas for Halloween 2017

Sexy Croqueta is going to be the hot costume for Halloween in Miami.

Finding a Halloween costume is always tough, unless you just want to go to Party City and be a sexy [fill in the blank].

That gets tired, though. Why not be topical? Miami has had a pretty wild 2017, so a costume with a 305 theme will make a splash at any one of these Halloween parties in Miami.

Read More: You think this Halloween candy is the worst. But we love it. 

This year, we don’t have budget for Halloween fashion shoots. So we have created mock-ups for the hottest Miami costume ideas for 2017. All you need is a little creativity, and strangers will stalk you for selfies.  Guaranteed!

Get it? He’s got on a crown and he’s carrying a gallon of Tide? This kind of wit is why I get paid the big bucks.

I can hear you saying it already: How do you create a Sexy Croqueta costume? Here is one option: Take a burlap sack, cut a head and arm holes and sew an elastic band around them hem. Once it is on your body, stuff a few pillows inside to make it fluff up. Obviously, you need to pull out your pantyhose and garter belt. Like I said, these are mock ups. You can let your imagination run wild when it comes to execution.

For this costume, all you have to do is walk to the front yard, grab some of the branches still waiting in a steaming pile and fashion them into a debris tunic. You could throw a little Barbie furniture on there, too, if you want to be a debris pile mixed with garbage.

This year Miami was invaded by Twerkers. Twerkers on beaches. Twerkers on police ATVs. Twerkers on cars. To be a Miami Beach Twerker, all you need is a bathing suit and a giant Wet Willies cup filled with Call A Cab. WARNING: This costume requires that you spend the whole night twerking so people will get it. Expect to be exhausted early on.

This costume is a piece of cake. Dolphin costumes are everywhere, but you are going to have to carry some kind of a stash and offer a bump to everyone at the party. Obviously, we are not suggesting you have actual cocaine on your person. Real cocaine as an accessory would make this costume very cost prohibitive. But do remember to have someone video tape you cutting lines into your flour.

All my coworkers hate this idea. “Why would anyone want to dress up as Empty Shelves?” they whined. The idea seemed funnier in late-September when we were all wandering through Publix looking for dairy products. But I already asked our graphics person to do it, so whatever.