Tax Day is coming. Here are the most Miami ways to spend your refund

This will look nice in front of your house. At least until it's repossessed.

Tax Day – April 17 this year – is swiftly approaching, and you know what that means: Time to decide how to spend your tax refund in the most Miami way possible.

Sure, some people envision their tax refund as a way to pay off an outstanding bill or buy something necessary and practical, like a new refrigerator that actually keeps food cold or an iPhone without a cracked screen.

Not in Miami, though. Here, we live in the moment, and we know this is free money. So we intend to have some fun.

Here are the most Miami ways to spend your tax refund.

Put a down payment on a car you can’t afford

This will look nice in front of your house. At least until it’s repossessed.

No, you can’t make the monthly payments, but you’ll turn heads for a month.

Try some plastic surgery

Shooting poison into your face (or butt) is your right as a Miami resident.

There are options for every price point. Maybe just a little Botox between the eyes? What about a chemical peel? Nah, think bigger, especially when it comes to your butt. You can boost that thing affordably in some dude’s garage in Hialeah. Or try cool sculpting. We don’t know what that is, exactly. But we imagine it involves hypothermia and then they cut off the dead parts. Fewer limbs, fewer pounds.

Invest in VIP bottle service

Take your friends to LIV for a night they’ll be too drunk to

Tables at LIV start at $1,500 and rise accordingly. Be a hero.

Eat the most expensive steak at Salt Bae’s restaurant

salt bae
Meat, glorious meat!

You won’t see the salt-sprinkling Instagram star at Nusr-Et Steakhouse in Brickell, but you will have the honor of paying $275 for a steak.

Start looking at Brickell condos

Live the dream and brag about it so everyone loathes you.

So what if you need five roommates to pay the rent? You’ll be able to call yourself a Brickellista and make fun of your friends back in Kendall.

Go shopping in the Design District

The Design District is known for its sales. HAHAHA. Not really.

You know you need that Hublot watch. And Gucci is famous for its affordable wares. What are you waiting for?

Book a weekend at a 5 Diamond hotel

Forget the suburbs for a little while.

We’re thinking Acqualina Spa & Resort in Sunny Isles Beach, rated a Five Diamond resort by AAA. You can luxuriate and pretend you don’t live in Hialeah.

Rent a boat

Be the captain of your destiny.

Get this: You don’t even need a license to rent a boat in Florida. You just need to pass an online boating safety course to rent a boat. This means you can hit the water without ever having been behind the wheel of a large, powerful water-based vehicle.

Don’t even think about paying off your credit card

You don’t want to pay it off. You want to work that thing like it’s got racing stripes.

Seriously, don’t worry. The minimum payment is all you need to pay. So what if your interest payment is bigger than the Marlins’ collective salary? You can worry about it when you’re old and living on Meow Mix.