People love to hate on Mall of the Americas. But it’s the best worst mall in Miami.

Yes, we know you all make fun of the Mall of the Americas. And we know the bathroom situation isn’t ideal (the mall hasn’t had working bathrooms since Hurricane Irma, the Miami Herald reports). And no, we don’t want to use those portable restrooms in the parking lot, either. We’ll hold on till we get to Costco.

But there is so much to love about the mall. It’s not intimidating. Your credit card will not experience fatigue here: There are no high-end shops. You don’t have to spend $25 on lunch, because there’s no chef-inspired food hall.

This isn’t Aventura. This isn’t Bal Harbour. This is the people’s mall. A mall for Miami.

So go ahead. Make your jokes. We’ll cherish all these things about the Mall of the Americas:

You can drop by the DMV while shopping

Does the Aventura Mall have a DMV? I THINK NOT.

There’s a hurricane simulator

We don’t know what it does, either. We were too scared to get in it.

You can buy fake varsity jackets for a reasonable price

The Dollar Store is full of miracles.

There’s lots of space for quiet contemplation

Not all noisy like those other malls.

There’s a special children’s play area

Hours of fun.


Who doesn’t like churros? Nobody, that’s who.

Take care of your health

After you eat too many churros, get some health insurance.

Free car insurance quotes!

For the record, this is not the only place to get one of these in Mall of the Americas.

The food court

Remember those halcyon days when you could get an inexpensive lunch at the mall, like for example a loaded baked potato with a bunch of cheese and other stuff on it? Welcome to Potatoes Plus, where you can get a nice big potato topped with bacon or sour cream or cheese or all of the above for around five bucks. Feel like living large? Try the tuna fish potato, if you dare.

The thrill of anticipation

What beloved retail name will open here? Stay tuned.