If you are a fan of Pollo Tropical, you know that choosing the perfect sauce is vital. Choose the right sauce, and you are transported. Choose the wrong one, and your meal is transformed into a soggy mass of regret and disappointment.
What goes best with the chicken from our favorite Miami fast food joint? Creamy and delicious cilantro garlic? Sweet, smoky guava barbecue? The inexplicably popular pineapple rum sauce, redolent of those canned fruit cocktails you used to get in the school cafeteria as a kid?
Everyone’s tastes are different, of course. Some people just pour on some basic Tabasco-esque hot sauce and call it good. Anything goes at Pollo Tropical, where salsa also counts as a sauce.
But what does your sauce choice say about you as a person? We decided to take a deeper look.
First, we ordered a bunch of these:
Then we started dipping. What did we discover? That some of you are basic. Some of you are models of stability. And if you mix your sauces – which you should absolutely do, especially with the curry mustard – you’re exceptionally creative and more than a little brave.
Here’s what your favorite sauce says about you
Barbecue: You make brownies from a mix and try to pass them off as your own. Macaroni and cheese is your go-to side dish whenever possible. Your favorite TV show has the acronym “NCIS” in it. Mayonnaise is your other go-to condiment.
Guava barbecue: Your grill cost more than $400, and you actually clean it from time to time. Even if you are not of Hispanic descent you can say all the bad words in Spanish. When it gets cold you stand in line at La Palma for churros.
Curry mustard: You have never been to India but enjoy a good tandoori chicken. You thought about skydiving once but went rollerblading instead.
Cilantro garlic: You pay the mortgage on time and have worked in the same job for more than a decade. You change your oil every 3,000 miles and have never bleached your hair.
Salsa: You reminisce often about your Caribbean cruises.
Spicy Poyo-Poyo: You have ordered a Fiery Doritos Locos Taco Supreme at Taco Bell after midnight more than once.
Pineapple rum: You or someone you love has a neck tattoo. Sometimes you still count on your fingers. You don’t have a passport but have been overheard saying that you think Epcot is nice and you hang out there even if you don’t have kids. You’re saving up to buy an ATV. Four-way stop signs confuse you.
Here’s what your blended sauces say about you
Curry mustard-cilantro garlic: You grow produce in your back yard and have your own booth at the farmer’s market. Your potluck game is strong, you can rock a scarf all year round, and there are wind chimes on your porch. Yes. You have a porch.
Curry mustard-Poyo Poyo: You have one tasteful tattoo hidden somewhere on your body and another one you vaguely regret. You drink too much coffee and keep vodka in the freezer.
Curry mustard-guava barbecue: Everybody swipes right for you, but you haven’t looked at your Tinder profile since you created it. You can do a headstand in yoga class and believe Orangetheory works. Your kid just got into Harvard.
Curry mustard-pineapple rum: You want a participation medal, but you’re not getting one.