Amazon lives to bring its Prime members everything we ever wanted. Groceries. Electronics. Shoes. Salt and pepper grinders. That Tazo Iced Lemongrass Green Tea we love that no store in Miami ever seems to want to stock. Last minute hurricane supplies (well, OK, maybe not).
And now the new Amazon Key feature is available in Miami and 36 other cities. So we can pay for the privilege of giving strangers access to our homes so they can deliver packages inside and also perhaps indulge in a bit of light burglary. All for the low starting price of $249.99.
Since this company can deliver just about anything, though, we have a few requests on the next service they could provide to the 305. Just develop and fire up a few super speedy drones for instant delivery, Amazon, and you will make our lives amazing.
You leave the house, and the weather is postcard perfect. But the monsoons start just in time for you to leave the office. You’re wearing your good shoes and left your umbrella in the back seat of your car. What to do? Text Amazon, and drones swiftly deliver whatever items you need to make it to your car without getting drenched (including hip waders if you’re in Miami Beach, Brickell or Doral). Canoes and kayaks not included.
People to stand in line for the lazy
Dying for stone crabs on a Saturday but hate fighting your way to the bar to wait at Joe’s? Desperate for the sweet bliss of a Knaus Berry Farm cinnamon roll but uninterested in standing in a line of several hundred equally ravenous people? Amazon will quickly ship a human place holder so you can go find some AC and drink a few glasses of wine while someone else sweats it out for you.
Cafecito crisis relief
Sure, you can brew a shot at any office in Miami. But what about when the craving hits when you’re stuck on the Palmetto or 836? Amazon drones race to the rescue with steaming shots of magical elixir straight from the heart of Calle Ocho.
Towing lot rescue
If you live in Miami, you are going to get towed eventually. That’s just how it works. Sometimes even your employer wrongfully tows your rightfully parked car from its lot (no, I haven’t forgotten, security guards). What would you pay for a service that ventured out in the middle of the night to release your car from the nightmarish hell of a darkened tow lot? You would pay a lot. Trust me.
Botox on demand
You’ve got a presentation at 3 p.m. and my God, you look haggard. The kind of haggard not even makeup can fix. Or maybe your Brazilian butt lift is looking a little unlifted. Voila! Amazon swiftly choppers in a cosmetic surgery specialist to restore you to your former beauteous state.