Risque Business Bakery

 

At South Florida's only erotic bakery, no order is too big, small or fully erect.

Spany Wanky Cake
Phallicious: Risque Business Bakery specializes in a range of frosted naughty bits.
 

By Samantha Victor

Mara Tirado once made a cake that starred in a porn.

Here's how the "plot" went: A bakery delivery man shows up to a female customer's door. Upon opening the box, the customer finds there has been a mistake—the delivery is not the cake she ordered, but rather, a frosted creation inspired by the delivery man's penis. She tastes the cake, they taste each other, and there's a happy ending (wink, wink) for all.

It's just another career breakthrough for Tirado, who owns Risque Business Bakery, Miami's only vendor of erotic cakes, cupcakes, chocolates and cookies. At her North Miami studio, she regularly whips up x-rated goods for bachelorettes, strip club owners, or those with birthdays and a sense of humor. "Most of my customers are women, who can be very dramatic and detailed about their orders," says Tirado. "They want certain skin shades, nipple sizes, things that are bigger, smaller, pinker, darker, with a happy ending or not."

She's never encountered an request she can't fulfill. Her portfolio shows breasts, butts and penises in all sorts of attire and situations, with details like tattoos and piercings. Cupcakes can have nipples and come in different sizes (A-cup, B-cup, or C-cup, naturally), or incorporate other body parts (see "Trouser Snake Cupcakes" on the bakery's website). Some cakes have incorporated edible props, like condom wrappers and even a reciept for a new boob job.

"Cake makers have to be mechanical engineers, architects, counselors, and artists," says Tirado, who spent hours figuring out how to make an erect penis cake when she first opened the shop three years ago. Now, erect cakes are a common request (that comes with a warning: no matter how enticing, do not push recipient's face into the penis cake, as the rod inside may cause injury).

Tirado's lifelong interest in baking turned serious in 2000—bedridden after an accident with a drunk driver, she kept seeing a commercial on TV for Johnson & Wales University's culinary programs. After recuperating, she attained her degree and found it difficult to get into the highly cutthroat world of wedding cakes (Yes, seriously, cutthroat. "It's like someone has to die before you can break into that industry," Tirado jokes). She opted to go in a completely different direction. "I'm the redheaded stepchild of the cake community," she says, "though I believe every baker has made a penis or booby cake at some point, but just doesn't want to admit it."

Cakes start at $35, and other smaller novelties are only a few dollars a piece. After ordering, baked goods can be picked up or delivered locally. Give Tirado three days notice, and she can have a fully customized wiener- or booby-based treat ready to go. "I spend hours at this. It's my creative passion," she says. "I'll keep making these cakes until they find me face down in the butter cream."

Risque Business Bakery is located at 12345 NE 6th Avenue in North Miami. Call ahead to order naughty sundries; 786-693-9368. Visit the website and see examples of work at www.risquebusinessbakery.com.

Mara would like to sincerely thank all of Miami's hospitality workers, the brave front-desk souls who hold penis cakes week after week, safe from the elements, hidden from the eyes of innocent children—kept safe once again for eventual delivery to hordes of visiting, hungry bachelorettes. Without you, her job would not be possible.

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