The List (hint: you're not on it):
Art Basel Miami Beach has an artist acceptance rate of 38%, yet a party crashing, freeloader acceptance rate of 100+% That being said, it's not going to be easy to worm your way into all the parties even if you go dressed as a hobo--er, boho, an eccentric art person or Olsen twin.
The following are the parties we'd be very impressed if you were able to crash; this list will be updated as more information rolls in, but in the meantime, let's not forget:
The Greatest Art Basel Party in the History of Mankind, Vanity Fair's 2011 homage to the bacchanalian absurdities.
Arts Club Welcome Reception hosted by Princess Alia Al Senussi at the W South Beach
A member of the Libyan royal family currently in exile, Princess Alia Al Senussi has devoted her time to promoting Middle Eastern art and there's no way you're infiltrating her invite only party. Not even if you say your name is Jill Kelley.
Previously held at the Delano--specifically in The Florida Room and its newest incarnation FDR, the uber exclusive satellite of famed Paris nightclub Le Baron is being a bit trickier and nomadic this year to avoid the crashers. The traveling Le Baron will stop at a different location every night from December 4-9. The address will be a secret until 6 p.m. each night and revealed on its new Where is Le Baron iPhone app, its website, Twitter and Facebook. As for those locations, a PR rep tells us, "A mix of old school unexpected Miami venues and brand new ones opening just in time for Basel." Regarding celebrities, says the PR rep, "while we are in talks with people it is our policy not to discuss when they are coming."
For the app, go to www.whereislebaron.com. Note: downloading the app and finding out the location does not guarantee entry say the Le Baronites.
Silencio at FDR
The Basel-branch of the Paris club of the same name, Silencio picks up where Le Baron left off, taking over FDR from December 4-8. The only things being silenced here are the whines of those not on the list.
Chanel & Art.sy Beachside BBQ at Soho Beach House
Hosted by Art.sy (the so-called Pandora of the art world) CEO Carter Cleveland, art dealer Larry Gagosian, Art.sy investor and wife of Rupert, Wendi Murdoch, Pay-Pal co-founder and hedge fund manager Peter Thiel and Russian socialite Dasha Zhukova, this invite only BBQ promises to be a celeb-sizzler, with Drew Barrymore (whose hubby Will Kopelman is an art dealer), Owen Wilson and Russell Simmons on the guest list.
Valentino's Pop Pois capsule collection launch at The Webster
Valentino and Interview Magazine along with Sofia Sanchez Barrenchea, fashion consultant, creative director and founder of UnderOurSky.com, which sells the latest from Argentinean designers, and the fashionista's DJ Chelsea Leyland, are throwing a private party in celebration of the launch of the luxe label's new polka dot collection. Not even a Dalmatian sporting Valentino is getting into this one unless it's accompanied by, say, Anne Hathaway.
Visionaire Magazine and Net-A-Porter Art Basel Party at Hyde Beach at the SLS Hotel South Beach
NADA VIP Opening Preview at Deauville Beach Resort
This, plus the NADA pool party on the 8th, and if you're not on the list, you're, wait for it and accept our apologies in advance, nada getting in.
Dom Pérignon, Alex Dellal, Stavros Niarchos and Vito Schnabel's late night Luminous Rosé party at Wall
This is the big one that follows the equally hard to penetrate Aby Rosen dinner at The Dutch, an A-lister's, name dropper's nirvana, the one where, last year, Michael Douglas, Catherine Zeta Jones, Sean Penn and Naomi Campbell all shared the same smoky air with their young, hip art world scions and sirens along with some starlets, stalkers, wannabes and CW network castoffs. Schnabel, 26, may bring his own A-lister: rumored paramour Demi Moore, 50.
MeUndies + Curtis Kulig "Love Me" at the new Freehand Miami
What do you get when you combine a unisex underwear delivery service with a hot NYC artist and photog at Miami's most hotly anticipated hipster hotel? This party, DJ'ed by--who else--Chelsea Leyland--and one that's not so free for you and me.
Westway pop-up at the Shore Club
NYC's hipster hangout Westway will take over the Red Room from Thursday through Saturday nights. Not stopping there, Westway's Matt Kliegman and Carlos Quirarte will also take their talents to the daytime with their Westgay Pool Party from 4 p.m. to 11 p.m. on December 8. Frankie Sharp hosts and Scissor Sisters' Jake Shears, LE1F and Brooke Candy will perform.
Julian Lennon and Nur Khan host an evening with The Morrison Hotel Gallery at Dream South Beach
The son of John is an arteest in his own respectable right and his party , along with NYC nightlife macher Nur Khan, who is popping open a Basel branch of his Dream Downtown boite Electric Room on the roof of Miami's own Dream, will feature some rare music pix as well as a DJ set by The Kills' Alison Mosshart. Imagine if you got in. Keep dreaming.
Kelly Klein celebrates POOLS photo book launch @ The Webster presented by Caliche Rum
Perhaps if this one was actually taking place at or near a pool, you'd be able to crash via submarine. Alas, nothing, not even an invitation, will likely come between you and Klein.
Arts for a Better World and Overture's Warhol Collector's Dinner
We're sorry, but that tattered poster of Warhol's Marilyn isn't enough to get you into this one. Even if you look like you were just scraped off the floor of Warhol's legendary Factory, we highly doubt you'll get into this one. Same goes for the December 4 VIP opening of “100 Warhols, an Overview: Painting, Drawing, Collage, Unique Work on Paper, Trial Proofs and Edition Prints,” which is being billed as An Evening at Rao's in Miami benefiting the Mt. Carmel-Holy Rosary School of East Harlem. Not even the third cousin of a Corleone can get into Rao's in NYC so why would this be different?
Bentley & Baxter at InternumThe favored ride of ballers and billionaires has teamed up with Italy's swank home design brand to create something you still can't afford. Same goes for the party, to which they are flying the latest Bentleys as well as the people who buy them. We've seen the guest list and while none of us are on it, it's pretty rich.
Art of Basketball: Heat Wave Exhibition party with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh
If it's Miami, it must be basketball and why not during Art Basel, via a collection of graffiti and street art of the team's biggest ballers? “The creativity is something that I’m very into and I love,” Bosh told NBA TV at last year’s Art Basel Miami Beach, during which he hosted an “Art of Basketball” party. “To have this vision in your head and go for your imagination out on a canvas to what people can see what’s in your brain, I’m really moved by that.” While the exhibition runs from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. December 5-9 (from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.) at 2048 Northwest Miami Court, the party, featuring--who else--DJ Irie, and food from Shake Shack, is as hard to get into as a net being guarded by Udonis Haslem.
Bombay Sapphire Artisan Series Finale at The Moore Building with Russell Simmons
Simmons and his Rush Philanthropic Arts Foundation will unveil the two winning artists who will get to show their works at his Rush Arts Gallery in NYC. Prior to the unveil, Simmons, along with the thinking woman's Real Housewife Ana ("Spell 'Misogynist') Quincoces, will be at a dinner party at a private home in Coconut Grove raising money for another non profit, Penn Medicine. Rush not, it's all invite only.
Moncler's 60th Anniversary Party
Down jackets in December isn't that uncommon in Miami contrary to popular belief, but less common is an invitation to the 60th anniversary of the high end French clothing company at an undisclosed location. Also impossible to get into is the grand opening of the label's Bal Harbour Boutique featuring Pharrell Williams singing copies of his book, Places and Spaces I've Been. Places he's been invited to. Unlike most people to this party.
VIP Dinner at SLS Hotel South Beach Honoring Domingo Zapata, sponsored by Ferrari and Hublot
Among those expected to be wined and dined: Pat Riley, Ron Burkle, Sofia Vergara, Tommy Hilifiger, Pitbull (!) and Zapata's BFF, Scarlett Johansson. Now that's a motley crew, but not motley enough for someone to notice you don't belong.
Teenage Paparazzo: A screening and exhibition
The National YoungArts Foundation and YoungArts alumnus, former Entourage star Adrian Grenier hosts a screening of his documentary along with a Q&A on whose panel this writer will proudly sit along with Miami's newest celebrity resident Christian Slater and Seth "Don't Call Me a Paparazzo" Browarnik, answering questions, perhaps, about the cult of celebrity. Also on the guest list not so ironically but oh so fittingly: former Real Housewives of NYC's Jill Zarin. Tickets were limited and now, apparently, sold out.
LCD Soundsystem Book Launch on the roof of the Hotel Victor
For over seven years, photographer Ruvan Wijesooriya has had complete access inside the world of James Murphy and his LCD Soundsystem--unlike you.
Rico Love's Big 3-0
No, it really has nothing to do with Art Basel, but the uber producer who has the numbers of Beyonce, Fergie and Usher on speed dial enters a new decade with a splash--rather, a magnum or twenty--at a private dinner for 100 friends at Katsuya.