[The links on this page are NSFW. But you already knew that, right?]
The Exxxotica Expo, Miami Beach's annual convention for all things adult-industry related, celebrates its fifth anniversary this weekend. And we promise: this is the only five year-old's birthday party where you'll be leaving with a goody bag full of porn, pasties, and sex toys. Now if only there was a bouncy house.
You've got three days, Friday, May 14 through Sunday, May 16, to navigate everything that's going on (and coming off). Here's what expo-goers need to know.
Who's appearing: All the current-day porntastic favorites, including Digital Playground’s Jesse Jane, Adam & Eve stars Teagan Presley, Bree Olson and Alexis Ford, adult stars Jenna Haze, Sunny Leone, Gina Lynn and Alexis Texas, Ron Jeremy, Shauna Sand, Savanna Samson and tons more--names are added daily, with pics, at Exxxotica's appearances page. Intermingling with the adult crème de la crème are plenty of wannabes, reality "stars," and company reps wearings little more than the scantiest underwear and eager to vie for your attention. Engage them in a deep conversation about the correlation between globalization and democratization in developing countries, or just tip them a dollar to smack your ass with a paddle.
What's new: This will be the first of the conventions to feature Legends of Exxxotica, a lineup of the big-name adult film stars you grew up watching. Peter North, Jilly Kelly, Nina Hartley, Lisa Ann, Christy Canyon, Ginger Lynn and others will sign autographs and reminisce about the days of excessive body hair and terrible background music.
Entertainment: Exxxotica's main stage runs round the clock, featuring a combo of musical performances, bikini (or less) competitions, and vaudevillian stage antics involving dildos. Take part in So You Think You Can Do Porn?, a physical challenge show where eager civilians are put into compromising positions that test their porn star skills. Or opt for How Deviant are You?, during which Teagan Presley and Sunny Leone will challenge attendees to deep throat various items, cross dress, and relay wild sexual tales.
Seminars: Education is the key to success, folks, and that's why Exxxotica delivers a full plate of industry-related seminars for its attendees. Learn how to get into the adult film industry, the legalities of starting an adult website, or how to cajole your significant other into the swinging scene.
Exhibitors: Adults mags, websites, and movie companies unabashedly display their wares alongside retailers of latex wear, toys, corsets and bondage gear. Vendors in the business of vanity are also abundant, so expect pitches for laser hair removal, airbrush tanning and other services that help you look better naked.
The VIP dealio: VIP status will get you access to a lounge where "Exxxotica Hotties" will mingle amidst free-flowing cash bars. Also included: admission to The Bedroom, where swingers club Miami Velvet will provide a bunch of cabanas and beds for doing... stuff.
Ticket pricing: General, single-day admission is $35, or go for all three days for $85. VIP admission for any day is $65, while the weekend-long VIP pass is $150. Tickets can be purchased in advance or at the Convention Center; must be 18 for general admission, or 21 for VIP.
Expo location and hours:
Miami Beach Convention Center
1901 Convention Center Drive, Miami Beach
Friday, May 14, 4 p.m. – 11 p.m.
Saturday, May 15, 1 p.m. – 11 p.m.
Sunday, May 16, Noon – 7 p.m.
Parking: Park in the Convention Center's lots for some solid moolah, or try to score a $1.25/hr parking meter nearby. Best bet: park a few blocks away at the 17th Street Garage for $1 an hour.