Yesterday someone at work asked me if I went away for Christmas. I said I did - to
Palmetto Bay. That's not going away, he said. Sure it is, I replied. It's an hour away from where I live, and continents away from the world I live in daily.
Not that I'm some kind of baller, partying at my table in the VIP section every night, taking my Bentley to buy $45 cheese at Epicure and passing off philanthropic lunches as "my job."
However, I do go out for a drink or dinner most nights, occasionally take in brunch poolside at the Raleigh and go to concerts whenever someone worthwhile rolls into town.
When I tell people I grew up in Miami, they automatically think I grew up on South Beach, sneaking away to tan during lunch and hitting the club scene at 14. In reality, I grew up in Palmetto Bay, which is about an hour south of Miami Beach. It's a middle upper-class neighborhood along picturesque Old Cutler Road. The bay is a couple blocks from my parent's house, the public schools are decent and you can't throw a rock without hitting a Lexus SUV. There's a mall (The Falls), a T.G.I Friday's and a community newspaper. Moms take tennis lessons during the day, dads play golf at the public course on weekends and kids loiter in front of the Hot Topic before the 8 p.m. movie at the outdated theater next to Johnny Rockets.
In other words, Miami suburbs - at least the one I grew up in - are just like most other suburbs in America.
So I did what most other city slickers do when they go home - a whole lot of nothing, followed by a whole lot of drinking. I didn't get to hit all my favorite watering holes on this trip, but if you ever find yourself in Palmetto Bay, here are a few to check out:
Fox's Lounge: This place is the only bar (that I know of) with a drive-up window. Inside, though, it's total old-man kitsch. Dark red booths, a dining room in the back that looks like it was decorated by someone's grandma, cheap drinks, a free jukebox and the best part - no smoke. It's kind of like The Deuce, but with brisket instead of trannies.
Black Point Ocean Grill: This restaurant/bar is located in the Black Point Marina, so the view is pretty sweet. I wouldn't call this a biker bar - as it's nothing like that scene in Pee Wee's Big Adventure when he gets up on the bar and dances to the tequila song - but bikers do like to come here. But these aren't rough, angry bikers. These are like doctors who started riding Harleys on the weekends. If you go on a Friday or Saturday night, chances are you'll get to enjoy a deliciously cheesy classic rock cover band.
Little Hoolies: Don't be discouraged because this little dive is in a strip mall between a Pulbix and an Outback Steakhouse. LH is the spinoff bar of Hooligan's on US1, across from Shorty's. It's a little on the fratty side, but the cheap beer and fun bands - usually of the country or classic rock variety - make up for it. Plus, the place is called Little Hoolies. Doesn't it just make you picture that little bully in the Little Rascals? So cute.
Keg South: I've never actually been here, but it's been around for as long as I can remember, and my brother swears by it. He says the UM football team likes to hang out here, so if you're into that kind of thing, then you could probably score a few autographs if you're there at the right time (i.e. not the night before a big game). It's on US1 just past a gas station and a veterinarian's office. The sign has a keg on it.
Peg's Pocket: I used to come here in high school. It's just a big room full of pool tables and a small bar - I don't remember anyone drinking anything but pitchers of cheap beer. There are a lot of regulars, who "practice" a few times or more a week, but don't let that intimidate you. As long as you don't act like a d-bag (i.e. complain loudly after every crappy shot, that there's no Grey Goose or about not hearing your favorite Fallout Boy song), then you're going to have a great, low key time.
I guess that's what I love about going back to the 'burbs: it's low-keyness. There's no wardrobe change before going out - metallic and/or Spandex will get you laughed at; most places you go are full of locals and regulars just looking to relax and have a couple beers with friends, not to show off their VIP table or hook up with a part-time telenovela actress; and at the end of the night you won't have to take a second job to pay off the bar tab.
But what I love most about going back to the 'burbs? Knowing I don't have to stay (no offense, Mom). Because as much as I love doing nothing, I love having the option whether or not to do nothing even more. That said, I'm off to see
a musical about raunchy puppets.
-- miaeditor
