In praise of BOGOS. Wine BOGOS, that is.

There is no human being alive immune to the thrills of BOGO (if your home planet is somewhere other than earth, that means Buy One Get One, as in free). Heeding the siren call of BOGO, many shoppers have left the store with items they will never use, like diapers when their kids are grown or Olive Garden gift certificates or Vienna sausages, which no one has ever actually eaten.  

The best kind of BOGO involves – of course – wine. Seems simple, right? Two bottles for the price of one. But how do you know if you’re getting a good deal? Here are a few of the frequently asked questions about wine BOGOS.

What’s the best place to find wine BOGOS?

Publix, Winn-Dixie and Fresh Market all offer BOGO deals.

Publix: The BOGOs are ever changing and good anytime. If they run out of a certain wine, you can get a raincheck for up to eight bottles. Sometimes it’s a wine that’s only a step up from salad dressing (looking at you, Barefoot). But sometimes you find something pretty tasty, like The Federalist, the official wine of annoying people who still can’t stop quoting “Hamilton” lyrics.

Fresh Market: Every Saturday the store offers some sort of BOGO deal on wine. When it’s Gravelly Ford? Grab it. If it’s Firebrix? Hard pass. Castle Rock? Consider the pinot noir, step away from the chardonnay.

Winn-Dixie: You need to sign up for the card to be eligible for BOGOs, but it’s worth your time: You can get up to 30 cents a bottle for fuel perks on certain wines. With enough fuel perks for the price of a gallon of gas, you get 20 gallons of gas free. So you can fill up your tank and drive back to the store and buy more wine.

What should I look for in a BOGO wine?

Using a complicated algorithm involving price, vintage, the date, the time of year, the temperature, whether the moon is in the seventh house and your own unique stockpile of personal courage, you should easily arrive at a decision on what to purchase.

No but seriously.

Well, you’re going either to have to take a chance here or download the Vivino app, which rates lots of wine (though maybe not the Carlo Rossi jug of questionable liquid that my mother used to drink). Also, pay attention to vintage for whites: if it’s 2013 or older it’s probably too old to be any good.

Is buying a wine based on its label OK?

Sure. Why not.  I would definitely buy a bottle of wine with a unicorn jumping over a rainbow ridden by a Valkyrie on the label, for example.

What if I want to buy fine wine? Will my fancy wine shop have BOGOS?

Yes, of course. You should totally ask about them. You won’t look foolish at all.

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