Loba, "Latin spice and Southern Comfort" coming to Biscayne Blvd.

A bizarre press release announces the opening of a new, 50-seat restaurant on Biscayne called Loba, serving “Latin American dishes with Southern influences.” Cutting through the indecipherable, we learn that owner Jessica Sanchez “has partnered up with Florida International University’s Hospitality Management Program to ensure Loba is run by chefs with a strong desire and passion for working in the industry and to give students an opportunity for first-hand experience. Loba will provide an experimental atmosphere for students, students, in exchange, will execute the operation of the restaurant.” We also learn that Sanchez’s mother Libia used to own Patacon and will consult along with former MC Kitchen sous chef Jeziel Colon.

Menu includes: “creatively named items like “Ode to Wilbur,” 18-hour sous-vide pork belly with butternut squash puree, pickled fresno chilis, frisee salad and toasted pine nuts; “Butcher’s Cleanse,” porcini rubbed ribeye with gorgonzola butter and frites; “Orwell’s Dystopia,” animal-farm inspired squash broccolini lasagna, local burrata, marscapone and grated parmesan; and “Slim Ursula,” chipotle-charred baby octopus with warm lentils, parsley and preserved lemon.”

See if you can decipher the press release below. While some of us gringas have no idea what a Loba is, when it’s actually opening, or what a wolf has to do with any of it, it sounds pretty tasty regardless.

Once upon a time, a wolf was born. (It had many walls – and if walls could talk,
they’d have their own story-, tables, chairs and food, but it was a wolf, we
promise). A fearless animal with an insatiable hunger, Loba craved passion,
culture, and a loyal pack of lobavores (those who love Loba, duh.) With great
fortune, she got it.
Loba is the passion project of Jessica Sanchez (herself, a loba at heart), a
Miami-native who dropped the corporate world on its pretty little (big?) ass to
follow her wildest dream, opening her very own restaurant. The vibrant eatery
that came of this leap of faith was built on the help of lobavores who fell in love
with Sanchez (she’s so cute!) and her contagious charisma. She strived to attract
a bold team of various talents. And she succeeded. Enter the Wolf Pack: The
boys at OpticBlast, a sign-maker, a couple of awesome chefs, Divine
Intervention and, of course, mamabear.
A few months later, a concept came to fruition. Loba aspires to provide a space
where chefs can fearlessly take over, where food will drive a spirited
conversation, where friends will create long-lasting memories. Loba is yours.
And ours. It’s a culinary expedition into the world of Latin classics with