Want to go to Ultra Music Fest? Sell your car.

Photo: Tomas Loewy

If you’re part of the dance-music-loving, so-unique but oh-so-part-of-the-99 percent-economically-average-masses hoping to forget your troubles with a weekend of partying at Ultra Music Festival, you might need to find another way to submerge your anxiety. General admission tickets for Ultra, which takes over downtown Miami’s Bayfront Park March 24-26, are sold out.

So if you want to hear Afrojack, Steve Aoki, Tiesto, Carl Cox, David Guetta, Sasha & John Digweed, Armin Van Buren, etc. etc. et al, in one substance-fueled (we know drugs are prohibited, but does anyone really get through this thing on Red Bull alone?) weekend, be prepared to fork over $1,249.95 for a three-day VIP pass. Because nothing makes you feel better about spending a month’s rent on three days of partying than a sticker price that ends in 9.95. What, do they really think this is a BOGO kind of crowd?

The Revolution may not be televised, but it will, apparently, be accompanied by some massive beats — one section of Ultra is labeled “Resistance.” To what is a mystery. To the idea that you can get your dance music fix without spending a fortune? Dream on.

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