You know the show is going to be awesome when it opens with Snooki and Angelina rocking sombreros and drinking tequila, then you immediately get an unsolicited Snooki crotch shot!
The girls (minus Sammi) finally hit the beach for some free tanning and discuss how stupid Sammi is for still staying with Ronnie. At the house, The Situation tells Sammi that she looks like a fool considering all the evidence against Ronnie. Why is The Situation the only one capable of giving good advice to this poor girl?
Sammi wants someone to come clean about the note and ends up in a shouting match with JWoww. Meanwhile Ronnie, who witnesses the feud, claims that he was technically single at the precise moment of each transgression.
The gang takes the fist pumping action to Broward to hang out at the now defunct MI-VI. The Situation brings home a blond and ditches her in the smash room while he fuels up on pasta. “I’m not ready to perform right now. I’m like a Ferrari. High maintenance.”
The next day the girls have to make the family meal and the tension between Jenni and Sammi is palpable. Meanwhile, as the girls slave away in the kitchen, the boys are girl-watching in News Cafe, contemplating whether or not they will need to call for a pizza after the home-cooked meal. That evening, Mike’s sister Melissa arrives and the gang takes the party to Tantra.
Sammi is able to manipulate Angelina into telling her who wrote the note by claiming she is no longer friends with the other girls. This leads to one of the greatest cat fights in Jersey Shore history. The show closes with hair pulling between Jenni and Sammi and the other two girls getting in the middle.
Hook ups (tonight’s hook ups requires bullets):
- Snooki wanders the house like Goldilocks looking for a bed. She ends up in Vinnie’s because he’s DTS (down to snuggle).
- Sammi and Ronnie (sigh) are back in bed together. She can’t quit him.
- The Situation brings home some Broward tail from MI-VI and has her in and out faster than Dominoes can bring a pizza.
- Pauly D and Angelina at Tantra! In his defense, Pauly D was incredibly wasted.
TMI: “It’s like putting a watermelon into a pinhole” — Snooki. We are not going to give you the context of this quote.
Plastic cups: Three. Snooki and the girls take black plastic cups to the beach filled with some cocktail JWoww the mixologoist prepared. Love how the cup matched Snooki’s cover up.
Fist pumping: MI-VI and Tantra. Snooki and JWoww get extra points again for fist pumping in the car on the way to the supermarket.
Grinding: Angelina grinds on a guy named Jose she finds at MI-VI. Vinnie grinds on The Situation’s sister Melissa at Tantra. The Situation grinds on a potential trannie at Tantra.
Trannie alert: The cast of Jersey Shore offers the rule of thumb for identifying trannies: “If you have to think about it — it is”
Pickles: Snooki is so obsessed with the huge jar of pickles that she loses the shopping list at the supermarket.
Just like Nonna used to say: “It’s homemade. I hope you like it. If you don’t, kiss my ass” — JWoww, after presenting her Italian dinner to the gang.
Ronnie’s wisdom: Ronnie places one of Pauly D’s feet on the floor after he passes out drunk on the bed so he doesn’t get the spins. Smart. Poor Pauly D still ends up in the bathroom puking his guts out.
Bling: Vinnie puts on his new bling to impress Mike’s sister. “I hope it’s real”, says Jwoww. Vinnie counters “Hey, it’s like your tits. It looks sick, but it’s fake.” JWoww gets the last word, “But these are paid for in full.”