Here’s why the internet is forcing you to think about Justin Bieber’s testicles

Eyes up here, folks.

It’s only Tuesday and the law abiding citizens of the internet are being threatened with not one, but two stories about Justin Bieber’s private parts. 

“Wait, but now you are talking about it. You are part of the problem,” you say. 

Indeed. Because we were riveted by the Page Six report that one of the nurses from Northwell Health, where the Beebs checked in last May to have his testicles treated for a supposed soccer injury, nabbed his medical files. She allegedly was trying to confirm if JB was actually suffering from an STD. As a result, she was given the ax but has subsequently filed a wrongful termination suit. Can’t a guy have hernia without everyone assuming the worst? 

Justin’s nether-regions also wreaked havoc on Instagram, where some diabolical hackers reportedly found their way into his ex, Selena Gomez’s account and posted some photos of Beebs in the buff. Gomez, who has 125 million followers on Instagram, had to shut down her account until all traces of Bieber’s bodyparts were wiped. 

Bieber has been keeping a low profile recently, unfriending bad influences (like Floyd Mayweather) and trying to find Jesus

Stories about his downstairs are probably not in line with his new image.