Partly because I'm thrifty, partly because I like to be a good eco-friend and partly because I enjoy a good adventure, I'm a big fan of public transportation. I've schlepped a mondo suitcase through London's Underground during rush hour; same in NYC. Some people get excited about museums or eating a certain food when they go to different cities. I look forward to using their subways, trains, monorails and buses. Which is why it's a tragedy our own public transport system sucks so bad. San Fran gets trolleys, Portland gets a lightrail and Copenhagen has bike paths that are more sophisticated than most auto traffic systems. Save the electric bus that goes around South Beach, which is actually pretty useful and thus a popular mode of transportation, what do we get? A metrorail to nowhere and a people mover that looks pretty cool, what with its ghost driver and all, but is completely user un-friendly. And I don't mean that it's confusing, or that it costs too much (it's free), just that it's downright unpleasant.
Whenever I think about our beautiful, warm weather during the winter, which is often, I don't think about how I wish I was at the beach or how lucky I am not to be in Chicago. I think about how, if I were homeless, I'd want to be here. I can't even handle a movie theater in a tank top, so me sleeping under a bridge in sub-zero temps with nothing but a newspaper blanket just wouldn't be optimal. After agreeing I'm in a great place should I become homeless, I then wonder what I would do with myself every day. Mostly, I'd hang out in the library all day. It's quiet, it's free and I like reading. They also have a snack cart that, if I could wrangle up a couple bucks, would provide me with a satisfying Snickers bar, so that's good, too (I get cranky when I'm hungry).
The other thing I would do, though, just to get some exercise, is ride around on the people mover. Like I mentioned before, it's free, and it would take me to places like Bayside, where I could take a stroll and take in some free music at that stage near the daiquiri hut. I could also ride by the Herald building and wave and reminisce about the days when I had a job, which might inspire me to start looking for a new one. I could take it to that street where clubs like Space and Nocturnal are and charge people to "watch their car." I'd really have no reason to take it to Brickell, unless I found a coupon in a discarded newspaper for a free burrito at Baja Fresh, but there's probably a nice place to take a snooze somewhere along the water.
Apparently a lot of other now-homeless people think riding the people mover is a good idea as well, as whenever I take it there's at least one of them on it with me. Don't get me wrong - I have no problem sharing my free public transportation with someone who has no other option. What I do have a problem with is the unsanitary and sometimes downright un-safe conditions in which the people mover is kept. On my way to the Book Fair, for example, I parked at the Herald and walked over to the Omni people mover stop. On the stairs going up to the platform was a giant pool of chunky puke. Whether it was from a Midwestern tourist who had one two many mojitos at Bongo's the night before or a bum who had one two many sixers of Schlitz, it should have been cleaned up (it was there upon my return four hours later).
And over the weekend, my beaux and I decided to check out the free concert series in Bayfront Park (which was great, btw) and then walk to dinner at Soya e Pomodoro. We took the people mover, and on the way back, there was bloody gauze as well as what looked like an IV bag full of blood and blood all over the floor. And I doubt it was just left over from a scene with David Caruso ("Looks like there's one people that won't be moving any time soon." [Cue "We Won't be Fooled Again"]).
Now, I like to consider myself a pretty urban chick. But the only blood on the tracks I like to come into contact with is via Bob Dylan. And like he said, times they are a-changin. For Miami Dade Transit, maybe that should mean showing our public transportation system some love.
Or at least investing in a mop.
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What happened was a real live Jason Bourne-style chase. Our hero was injured by the Russian terrorists outside the Bayside, bleeding profusely and in need of a blood transfusion as he escaped on the metrorail, where he found a blood mobile conveniently parked. He steals a bag of O negative and administers the blood, sneaking thru the tracks of the Inner Loop and hiding out in the Bali Cafe's bathroom sucking on sugar packs until he is strong enough to continue. It's called The Bourne Transportation. On DVD now. ... Read more
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