Cold weather makes us whiny. We know we’re crybabies, and everyone north of Orlando knows it now.
Here are the first things we’re going to do when it warms up:
Rush to the beach so we can resume tormenting northern friends on Instagram
Taunting people who live in cold places with gorgeous oceanfront photos is pretty much our favorite pastime.
Bask in the healing rays of the sun
OK, fine, we’ll put on SPF 30, but by God we are getting warm again. We’re over this sweater nonsense.
Jump in the pool
It’s still too cold to go much further, really. We just want to show that we have the option.
Eat a meal outside in the warm, blessed fresh air
We don’t even care where we do it. Miami. Key Biscayne. South Beach. Wynwood. Brickell. Little Havana. The Grove. The Gables. We are going to sit outside and order something, anything, to eat, and give thanks for not being penned up inside for another couple of months. Even if we have to mooch a ride on someone’s boat to get there.
Order an icy adult beverage
Pour me something cold and strong and fancy and very Miami, please. Like The Halliwell at Beaker & Gray in Wynwood.
Get a pedicure
Winter has come and gone. Back to flip flops for the next 10 months.
Stop eating all these damned churros
We heard you have to store fat to stay warm in cold weather, so we stood in line in the freezing degrees, then mainlined a quart of hot chocolate dipping sauce.
Turn on the a/c
After all that complaining about having to turn on the heat, we’ll be sweating all too soon and turning on the air conditioner in three, two, one…
Complain about how hot it is
Just wait for it. You know it’s coming.