The world of George R.R. Martin’s “Game of Thrones” is full of sleazy political intrigue, sex, corruption and betrayal. That sounds a lot like Florida! Let’s take some of the wild characters we find in the Sunshine State and cast them in “Game of Thrones.”
Valar Trabajoulis. (That is High Valerian for “Wasting time at work.”)
Governor Rick Scott as Varys the Spider
Known for his bald head, he loves to make plays behind the scenes and claim innocence. If you ask him about cuts to Medicaid and women’s health, he deflects by reminding you about 1 million jobs.
Miami Heat star Dwyane Wade as Jon Snow
The moral center of our tale, the one we look to for guidance and leadership who always seems to bounce back in spite of adversity like bad knees. Or being murdered.
Former Attorney General Janet Reno as Brienne of Tarth
The warrior woman tasked with the mission of returning a child to its ancestral home. This turns out to be a lot harder than you’d think.
Senator Marco Rubio as Renly Baratheon
He is the young, handsome upstart who thought he was ready for the highest office. He showed some promise, only to be killed by an evil demon that no one saw coming, leaving his supporters to scatter.
Former Governor Jeb Bush as Ned Stark
He tried to stay under the radar in his home until he was forced back into the political sphere. Then he was beheaded by a psychopath way earlier than anyone thought, leaving us to ponder who will be next?
Rapper Pitbull as Tyrion Lannister
People underestimate his skills, to their own peril. Now that he has crossed that Narrow Sea, he is officially Mr. Worldwide. His latest collaboration with Varys and the Khaleesi is definitely going to be huge. Or he’ll be murdered.
The Florida Panthers as The Wildlings
The Panthers are mainly from Canada, which is definitely beyond The Wall.
Pam Bondi as Cersei Lannister
The flaxen-haired political trickster who has been frustrated by the influence of politics on the institution of marriage.
The Real Housewives of Miami as the Sand Snakes
A bunch of pretty women who no one will miss if they sit out a season.
ZooMiami’s Ron Magill as Drogon the Dragon
Miami’s zookeeper extraordinaire knows all about animals so we can dress him up in a green unitard and CGI him as a wayward dragon.
Former U.S. Representative David Rivera as Littlefinger
Remember the former U.S. Representative from Miami who financed a straw candidate to run against his big rival, Joe Garcia? That sounds like a Littlefinger move. Except Littlefinger would not get caught.
Singer Ariana Grande as Arya Stark
Actor Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Khal Drogo
We would eat a dead horse’s heart for either one of them.
Presidential candidate Donald Trump* as the Night’s King
No one has any idea what his plan is for the realm, but we are all pretty sure it will be the worst. He does get a lot of support from angry whitewalkers.