Everyone in Miami knows that a house that doesn’t smell like Fabuloso is super sucia. And the all-purpose cleaner comes in a variety of scents so you can keep your 3/2 condo in Kendall as tidy as a McMansion in the Grove. What you probably didn’t know was that your choice of Fabuloso is a window into your psyche.
After an exhaustive investigation, Miami.com has determined what type of person buys each type of Fabuloso.
This is the most popular Fabuloso. It reminds you (and everyone in Miami) of the Agua de Violetas that your mother used to douse you in when you were a child. Just the smell of lavender reminds you of a time when you didn’t have to mop floors.
2. Passion of Fruits
The Novela Star
You mop the floor wearing a negligee while plotting revenge on your cheating ex.
3. Ocean Breeze
The Climate Change Denier
A person who buys Ocean Breeze somehow thinks the oceans are clean. They are not. They are full of baby polar bear carcasses and fish poop.
4. Citrus and Fruits
The Fake Dieter
If you bought this version, you’re always looking for lame ways to lose weight. You bought the Nopalina powder after seeing those ads during “Caso Cerrado.” You have boxes of Te Verde Para Dieta in your pantry. Sometimes you get your friends to bring you Mexican diet pills that were banned by the FDA. Maybe if your house didn’t smell like fruity candy, you could think about something besides food.
5. Tropical Spring
There is no spring in the tropics. There are two seasons: wet and dry. So if you’re longing to bring the scent of springtime in the tropics inside your house, you have probably never been to the tropics. Or you went on a Caribbean cruise in April, and you think “This is what spring smells like in the Bahamas.” It smells like that all the time.
6. Spring in Bloom – Limited Edition
The Super VIP
You would never be caught dead buying Mistolin, Fabuloso’s cheaper cousin, but the store was out of Lavender, and this was all that you could find at Wal-Mart.
You want your house to smell like Christmas year round, and you will invite your work friends over for coffee. Then you will casually drop hints about your church’s talent show and how they are getting Hansel Y Raul as headliners. But low key, you always get drunk at the office Christmas party.