There are many things people in Miami do constantly. We brag about our cuisine. Take endless photos at Wynwood Walls. Complain about the heat. Tell you how happy we are that Dwyane Wade came back to Miami.
But there are some things we never do. And we’re not sure why.
People in Miami never:
Use turn signals
Being spontaneous is fun! Why signal your intentions when you can surprise everyone around you by cutting across four lanes of traffic to make a left turn?
Park for free
You can’t even go to the library in some parts of South Florida without having to pay for parking. (Looking at you, South Miami.)
Take down our Christmas decorations in a timely fashion
They might get around to the blow up Santas and snowmen by the end of January. The lights, though? They’ll be up until Memorial Day.
Go anywhere near our pools from October until June
Out of town guests may jump in. But not us. And no, we’re not going in the ocean, either. Call us when it’s hot enough to fry eggs on the hoods of our Toyotas.
Own decent coats or enough socks
We’re not wasting our mimosa money on something we only use once a year.
Open our windows
Is it a perfect Florida winter day with a high of 70 and no humidity? Too bad. We’re not turning off the a/c and letting in the fresh air.
Prepare for hurricanes before they’re bearing down on us
We know we should. And yet we still are moving those last two AA batteries between the TV remote and the flashlight.
Pick up our dog’s poop
This is a real problem. Even if we stop to pick it up, we drop it on someone’s lawn. Gross.
Eat on Lincoln Road or Ocean Drive
We’ve surrendered these spots to the tourists. There are simply too many of them. We’ll go to Sunset Harbour instead.