President Donald Trump will be in Miami on Friday. In honor of his visit to South Florida, we gathered some of Trump’s most memorable quotes and used them to make itinerary suggestions. We can’t be sure he’ll see this list, but it’s here for him if he ever needs it.
“I will build a great wall – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me – and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”
We have yet to see you begin erecting the wall you promised would mark the United States’ border with Mexico, but while you are working on that, might we offer Wynwood Walls as your inspiration?
A few major developer tycoons basically transformed a neighborhood of abandoned warehouses into the city’s art district with the artwork of a few international muralists. Now Wynwood attracts all the swanky restaurants and cool kids.
That probably isn’t what you’re going for with the border wall, but the Wynwood Walls are still worth a visit.
"I understand money better than anybody. I understand it far better than Hillary, and I'm way up on the economy when it comes to questions on the economy."
KING OF DIAMONDS
You are the best with money. Sure, we haven’t seen your tax returns, but we’ll take your word for it.
Our suggestion is that you take a trip to King of Diamonds. Your knack for spending money plus your known affinity for beautiful women means you’d fit right in.
Help the economy. Tip a stripper.
“I love construction.”
THE INTERSECTION OF STATE ROADS 836 AND 826
We have plenty of that in Miami. You’ll see it everywhere you go, but for a good sample of some of the best construction projects in Miami, you should travel along the interchange between 836 and 826. It’s great construction. Nobody beats Miami highway construction. Believe us.
“I love Oreos. I’ll never eat them again. Okay? I’ll never eat them again.”
MIAMI-DADE COUNTY FAIR & EXOSITION
Umm… if you ever change your mind about Oreos, try the Miami-Dade County Fair. It comes every year in March and has all kinds of deep-fried stuff, including Oreos.
“And we won’t be using a man like Secretary Kerry ... who’s just being tapped along as they make weapons right now, and then goes into a bicycle race at 72 years old, and falls and breaks his leg. I won’t be doing that. And I promise I will never be in a bicycle race. That I can tell you.”
We’re sensing that you have a little animosity toward bicycle races, Mr. President. You’d have to return to South Florida in two weeks, but we know of a great event to cement your displeasure with cyclists hitting the pavement. It’s called Critical Mass.
We think you’ll find it to be the most intense collection of bicycle riders. They take up entire streets and run the city for a few hours.
Mark your calendar for June 30.
“Marco Rubio, I’ve never seen anybody sweat like that.”
WELCOME TO MIAMI
As a city partly responsible for the Republican phenom that was Marco Rubio, we’d like to apologize for his offensive perspiration.
Buuuut, in our defense, everyone here is sweaty. Come on, Mr. President, you have a resort in Miami-Dade County. You know it gets really hot here. Once Rubio’s sweat glands got to working, maybe it was hard to slow down the production of all the dewy sweat. We get it! But we’re also sorry… but also, go to any parking lot in the city during the month of July. You’ll understand then.
“Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!”
MI RINCONCITO MEXICANO
OK, so you like your tacos in a bowl. Maybe you can bring your own bowl to Mi Rinconcito Mexicano. They have great tacos that might give your Trump Tower Grill tacos a run for their money. But maybe not since everything with your name on it is so great.
“I feel like a supermodel except, like, times 10, OK? It’s true. I’m a supermodel.”
THE BARS AT FAENA HOTEL MIAMI BEACH
With looks like yours, Mr. President, you deserve to be in the presence of real A-list models, not all the people who think they’re models because their friends have the latest iPhone.
That’s why we think you should visit one of the bars at Faena Hotel in Miami Beach. The celebrity hotspot has attracted babes such as Chrissy Tiegen and Karolína Kurková.
You’ll fit right in.
“We’ve got to be nice and cool, nice and calm. All right, stay on point, Donald.”
You can keep your cool at this Coral Gables swimming pool. It’s a national landmark that was opened in 1924 — you know, about three decades after Frederick Douglass may not have died because you know he’s doing such an amazing job and “is getting recognized more and more.”
But, yea, great place to relax. Enjoy!
“For those few people knocking me for tweeting at three o’clock in the morning, at least you know I will be there, awake, to answer the call!”
NIGHT OWL COOKIE CO.
People should really just let you late-night tweet in peace!
Night Owl Cookie Co. stays open until 2 a.m. every day, so it’s a perfect option for a midnight snack to keep your Twitter fingers going. But save your motorcade the trip – the cookie shop offers delivery.