4 reasons Chris Brown and Lil Wayne need a new ‘alleged’ drug dealer

A 27-year-old Miami man who allegedly sold marijuana and lean to Chris Brown and Lil Wayne was convicted Monday of five federal, drug-related charges. Harrison Garcia now faces a life in prison for selling narcotics — oh and being an idiot.

Since we know that neither Chris Brown or Lil Wayne will stop *allegedly* doing drugs any time soon, we’d like to propose that they secure smarter dealers ASAP.

Here are the four reasons they completely screwed up with this Garcia guy:

1. His nicknames

Run, Chris.

If you were trying to run a successful drug operation, why would you call yourself the “CEO of Purple Drank?” Though that may be somehow attractive to your clientele, we could see how it could draw in investigators, too.

Then there’s Muhammad a Lean, which is actually a little funny — in a juvenile I-want-to-get-arrested kind of way.

2. His Instagram page

Where did all that flexin’ get you?

This guy really was not about being low key. If you are *allegedly* making money from the sale of illicit drugs, what would possess you to show off your illegally obtained lifestyle on social media? And to 300,000 followers, at that.

According to the Miami Herald, Garcia “proudly showed off flashy gold chains, jewel-encrusted teeth and many tattoos, including one of the fictional drug kingpin Scarface flashing an assault rifle.”

He had his own guns, too. They weren’t just tattooed on him. During his trial, images from Garcia’s Instagram page were shown to jurors who got to see his parade of guns. They also saw the following (we’ve included price tags):

  • Salvatore Ferragamo brown leather belt — $476.80
  • Air Jordan retro sneakers — $699
  • Christian Louboutin leopard print sneakers with sequin toes — $1,355

By our estimation, that’s a total of $2,530.80 worth of reasons this dummy is currently behind bars.

3. His lawyers

Keep it 100, Garcia; your lawyers exposed you as a fraud.

If your main occupation is drug dealing, are you allowed to use your own funds to pay for your defense lawyers? We’re asking for a friend.

But seriously, Garcia really should have hired better lawyers. If you thought Garcia was doing OK, living the life and becoming friendly with famous rappers, his lawyer Gustavo Lage would be adamant in telling you his client was a complete fraud.

“My client is a 27-year-old schmuck,” said defense lawyer Lage said during Garcia’s trial. “He is a kid who talks big and is trying to be something he’s not.”

Damn.

That wasn’t the only hit Garcia took from his own defense team. Lage also came after his whole livelihood, you know, as CEO of Purple Drank.

“If he is the equivalent of the Pablo Escobar of promethazine with codeine, why is he living in Hialeah … or Kendall?” Lage asked. “Why isn’t he living in La Gorce or Gables by the Sea?”

But besides his own lawyer dissing him, we feel like Garcia should have fired his defense team as soon as they brought up South Florida rapper Stitches.

You may remember we deemed Stitches a dumb rapper with a dumb tattoos after he got arrested for parking in a handicap spot on South Beach. Stitches’ attorney defended his client by claiming the overly tatted rapper was just a fake thug pantomiming hard core behavior for his fans.  With lawyers who bank on comparing you to another wannabe gangsta with guns, you had to know you’d get convicted.

4. For bragging/being a snitch

Orange looks great on you.

Make no mistake about it, Garcia was a weasel. We think it’s common sense that if you’re a drug dealer, there is no difference between namedropping and snitching.

But because Garcia had a thing for flexing (and for selling drugs), he’s now facing a life behind bars.

According to the Miami Herald, Garcia sent a woman a screen shot of a $15,000 bank deposit allegedly from Chris Brown.

“Look who put money my account,” Garcia wrote.

The woman responded: “What that for LOL”

Garcia replied with several smiley face emojis: “Drugs … lean and sh-t.”

He also told a federal agent that he was one of Lil Wayne’s drug dealers, according to his trial.

Read more here: http://hrld.us/2osksh3.

Thanks for checking out our new site! We’ve changed a ton of stuff, and we’d love to know what you think.
Email feedback