Six signs that life in Miami is going back to normal after Hurricane Irma

Pretty soon the beaches are going to look just like this.

“Going back to normal” is a deceptive phrase when you’re talking about Miami. Our normal is your “what the hell is wrong with these people?”

But less than a week after Hurricane Irma scared the hell out of us and took away our power, our foliage and – briefly – our ability to fight about politics, there are signs that Miami is returning to its usual self.

1. You can buy gasoline without engaging in a nihilistic battle to the death

It’s a lovely day – we can get gasoline.

Not every station is open yet, but the “Mad Max” dystopian combat for gas has ended. The lines that wrapped around the block are gone, and you can miraculously use that magical debit card again, if you haven’t forgotten your pin number.

2. That guy with all the mattresses tied to his roof is back on the 826

Remember when no one was on the road? Yeah. That was almost nice.

Oh yeah. He’s back. So is the driver going 30 mph in the express lane. The days of blissful, non-existent traffic have been replaced by the usual Death Race 2000 scenarios.

3. You can order a Publix chicken tender sub

If you need a reason to live during the next storm, this is it.

Even though the shelves are still a little bare, you can still order this mouth-watering bite of heaven. Order two!

4. The trees that were all over our yards are now piled up at the side of the road

Now we just have to worry about those moldering piles flying around during the next storm.

At least we can drive to work. Wait. Is that a good thing?

5. Water is back to being a simple, easily obtained commodity

Don’t have to do this anymore.

Most of us can even drink it out of the tap now, not that we ever will.

 

6. We're already eyeing the tropical weather forecast with suspicion

CAN YOU JUST GIVE US A BREAK, PLEASE???

We want to move on. But we don’t like the looks of those disturbances. Or any disturbances.

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