I don’t know what a croqueta is… and other Miami confessions

Islas Canarias makes some of Yelpers' favorite croquetas. (Yelp)

I love Miami. If you don’t travel during rush hour (most of the day) and learn some Spanish, it really is lovely. I mean that. So please do not deport me for being honest, but I have a few confessions.

I needed croquetas explained to me

What are those dark, jumbo-Cheeto-looking things and why haven’t I ever had one in my mouth?

Croquetas are such a big deal the president got involved in this Miami satire.

I've never been to a Miami Heat game

Not before the Big Three. Not after Dwyane Wade. Just never. What am I missing?

Right now? A 12-game winning streak. But whatevs.

I forget the difference between a cafecito and a cortadito

I know this will get me kicked out, but I thought it was all just coffee. NEVER say this at your local cafecito window in Hialeah.

I don’t know the difference. Don’t be like me.

I only just started liking flop

I didn’t grow up in the South, so I wasn’t too keen on sweet tea. When flop — or a mixture of sweet tea and lemonade — was introduced to me, I wasn’t so sure. You can find this drink in any of Miami’s predominantly black neighborhoods. (Or at Chik-fil-A, where it’s called an Arnold Palmer).

You could probably ask them to whip you up some flop at this dinner show.

I can't keep up with all these Miami dances

Turn the dial to any of Miami’s urban radio stations during lunch hours and you’ll hear the upbeat, often pitch-altered tunes by local artists. What you might not know is there is literally a cannon of dances for each of these rythmic tunes: jook, wig, stickin’ and rollin’, bobble walk, just to name a few. What I do know is that I simply cannot keep up.

Jim Larrañaga probably doesn’t know any of these dances, either. But this guy seems pretty hip.

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