Want to be the most unpopular person at Miami Book Fair? We have a few suggestions that won’t fail.
1. During question and answer sessions with authors, if you are lucky enough to get to the mic, start talking at length about your past, your hopes, your dreams, your fears and problems with your unpublished novel. Ramble on for a bit about your political beliefs. When the audience starts squirming and sighing and groaning and unpacking pitchforks, then – and only then – ask an incomprehensible question that has nothing to do with the author’s book.
Sit down, please.
2. Don’t leave an author reading when your toddler starts crying. Stay in your seat even if he screams. Everybody cares a lot about your personal comfort and wouldn’t want to inconvenience you by listening to what the author has to say.
Your baby doesn’t care about Maureen Dowd’s book.
3. Don’t turn your cell phone on mute during an author reading. Keep the sound on. That phone call from your sister, whom you just spoke to five minutes ago, is very important to all of us.
Seriously. You are the worst.
4. When you get into a long line for a signing, monopolize the author’s time by oversharing. Remember, everyone is interested in that unpublished novel! Be sure to ask for a selfie, too.
You get the length of this gif to fanboy/girl out, then move along.