Five ways to punish Miami drivers who keep plowing through the poles to get to the I-95 express lanes

The temptation is real, like the lure of a dozen hot Krispy Kreme donuts or spoiling the latest episode of “Game of Thrones” for the busy friend who hasn’t watched it yet. You’re stuck in traffic on I-95. But over to your left, drivers in the express lane are blissfully whizzing past you.

You long to drive through those poles. You think, not wrongly: Everybody does it! But the Florida Department of Transportation is bringing down the hammer: To make you stop charging through the poles like Walmart shoppers on Black Friday, it’s adding even more poles, which is surely totally safe and won’t cause 8 million more accidents per day at all.

So you can’t do it. And if the threat of a messed up car doesn’t stop you, maybe strict punishment will. We have a few suggestions for the FDOT:

First time offenderMust go on the next state-sanctioned python hunt armed with only a xistera. 



Second time offender: Must pay a state income tax.

 

Third time offender: Must volunteer for cleanup of Turkey Point canals and/or Biscayne Bay next time there’s a sewage dump.

 

Fourth time offender: Must spend the week before Christmas in the Aventura Mall or every Saturday at the Dolphin Mall.

 

Fifth time offender: Must move to Tallahassee for a year.

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