Finally, Miami! We can now fully embrace the holiday season at The Christmas Palace.
We embrace it all year long, of course. But it’s especially perfect now.
This amazing yet still charmingly ratchet store, nestled amid warehouses and sanity-crushing traffic on the Palmetto, is probably the only reason to go to Hialeah Gardens. But it’s a good reason. Every holiday item imaginable is here. There are also a few things you may not have imagined. Or wanted to imagine.
All we know is The Christmas Palace is Miami as hell. And we’ve got the photos to prove it.
Even Mrs. Claus has implants
There’s no way to say this delicately: Mrs. Claus is stacked. She clearly left the North Pole to have some work done. And who can blame her? In Miami, you need to be bikini-ready year round.
Flamingos in the Christmas tree
Partridge? What the hell is a partridge? In Miami we prefer flamingos in our giant fake-ass Christmas trees, which are freqently pastel. We reserve the right to be pastel as hell.
Our stuffed deer heads are blinged out
Look, if you’re going to have a stuffed reindeer head on your wall – or sticking out of your tree – it may as well be a sparkly deer head.
Ornaments that make us feel our lifestyle is superior
We don’t want tinsel and boring glass balls. We want something that’s going to remind us we can be outside on the water any damn time we want.
The Three Wise Men are pimped out
We’re not sure, but we think the same person who designed their outfits here also designed your daughter’s quinces dress.
This amazing chandelier
Who needs mistletoe overhead when you’ve got this fancy revolving chandelier? You could leave this up year round – if you were Lady Gaga.
Margaritaville dioramas instead of traditional Nativity scenes
You can be sure there are no virgins in this display.