We know we provide you with endless lists of local happy hours and bar and drink recommendations. Because we are nice like that.
But now, everything has changed. Everything.
Amazon Prime has announced it will now deliver beer and wine in Miami.
As in now. Right now. And two-hour delivery is free.
Here’s how it works: Download the Prime Now app or visit www.primenow.com to see what’s available (you can also track delivery status).
Miami customers get free two-hour delivery, but if you’re desperate you can pay a little more for one-hour delivery. The hours of service are 8 a.m. – 10 p.m. Monday through Saturday and 1 – 7 p.m. Sunday, so plan accordingly.
We think life in Miami is going to improve tremendously, in a number of ways:
There will be less traffic
We estimate that 45 percent of people on the Miami roads at any given time are on their way to a bar or a liquor store. The ones with Amazon Prime will now be able to enjoy their favorite adult beverage without leaving the house. Traffic problems solved. You’re welcome, Mayor Giménez.
Obnoxious public intoxication will vanish
Get lit in the privacy of your own home, and no one will ever know what a fool you can be.
No more Uber headaches
“Can we all fit in one Uber?” becomes “Do we get three bottles or four?”
The designated driver is officially extinct
Thanks to Lyft and Uber, the DD was already on life support. Now the Amazon delivery person is the new DD.
No more wasting money on bottle service
My house is my club.
Now only one person knows you’re home drinking alone on a Saturday night
No more rolling up to the store at 9:30 in sweatpants. No more facing those judgmental clerks. And if you turn the sound down on the TV, the delivery person may not even realize you’re rewatching “This Is Us.” Until he sees you weeping, that is.