First he got arrested for something stupid. Now Stitches has a kind of sweet explanation for his new tattoo

We last wrote about South Florida rapper Stitches in January when he was arrested after parking his 2011 Porsche in the handicap spot at a South Beach Whole Foods. (Oh, and for weed possession, carrying a concealed gun and for having drugs without a prescription).

The headline “Stitches, rapper with stupid tattoos, does stupid things” got some people talking, to say the least, so this time we’ll try to be a little nicer. Key word: Try.

 

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The 21-year-old, whose real name is Phillip Katsabanis, got semi-sentimental on social media, posting a photo with a caption that, in part, said his first son changed his life. And it’s really sweet that he feels so dearly about his child.

And that’s where our kindness ends because Stitches decided the best way to commemorate his appreciation was to have his son’s face etched permanently on his face. Even the Miami-based tattoo artist who created this borderline-abomination called it “una de las cosas mas locas que he tatuado.”

Stitches had this to say on Instagram:

I put my first son on my face cause he changed my life. Some may think I’m crazy and that it’s a stupid move but I don’t care. I love my kids. Friends come and go like a ho. Your kids are forever. #family

We’re going to break this one down for you because we have time today.

  1. “I put my son on my face cause he changed my life.” When, sir? When did your son change your life? Was it before or after you got a tattoo resembling stitches across your mouth? Maybe it was around the time you got a teddy bear tattoo on your forehead. Hopefully your son, who we’re sure is a beautiful human being, made you really contemplate your life at that point. But then again, probably not, huh?
  2. “Some may think I’m crazy…” Touche, Stitches. Touche.
  3. “… and that it’s a stupid move but I don’t care.” There’s a reason mothers all around the country tell their children to be careful about where they get tattoos. The permanent ink has become more acceptable, however, there are still areas on the walking canvas that are deemed largely unconventional. Those are the places parents still warn about for fear that their offspring will become irreparably unemployable. Judging from your Instagram bio, which includes the hashtag #F—AJOB, you aren’t concerned though. Carry on.
  4. “I love my kids.”  See this is the part we can read and think “That’s really sweet” until we remember “Oh yeah, this guy got his kid tattooed on his face just above the bizarre tattoo of stitches on his mouth.”
  5. “Friends come and go like a ho. Your kids are forever. #family” This might be the wisest thing you’ve said, young man. 

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