9 ways to know you are at a Miami baby shower

So you think a baby shower is a tea party with silly games and lacy dresses? No. In Miami, we have taken the baby shower out of the realm of the demure afternoon gathering and into the world of fiesta. Here is what you will find at a baby shower in the 305. 

1. It’s not just for ladies.

See No. 2.

2. There is a ton of alcohol

The poor prego can’t drink it, but we have to keep the men interested. 

3. Sometimes the organizer will make you pay 

This happens every so often, especially if the baby shower takes place at a fancy venue and the mom-to-be’s sister-in-law is like, “I’m not paying for all that food.” You will only encounter this in Miami. Make it stop. 

4. The pregnant photo shoot pics are on display

The mom will have done a photo shoot in a white linen dress posing by the ocean (obviously). Those photos will be blown up and placed in gilded frames resting on easels. They are works of art. Admire them. 

5. The spoon and fork game

This is a game to help determine the baby’s gender: The mother-to-be has to choose between two chairs. One chair has a fork hidden under the cushion; the other chair has a spoon. If she sits on the fork, it’s a boy. If she picks the spoon, it’s a girl. Too bad there isn’t some kind of machine that can accomplish this with 100 percent accuracy. 

Edda Martinez (center) has the cake game on lock.  

6. The Cake

It could be baked by Edda, Lucila, Publix or some lady that works with the mom-to-be, but the baby shower cake in Miami must be a work of art involving intricate fondant sculptures of bibs, bouncy babies, booties and bobos (pacifiers). This cake will cost more than the stroller that you and your co-workers are trying to buy in the registry. 

7. Inappropriate questions

“So when are you going to have the next one?” “Why did you wait so long?” “Have you been constipated?” You’ll hear them all.

8. Uninvited guests

Somehow people think it’s OK to bring a crew of uninvited guests to a Miami baby shower – a cousin or two, a suegra, an out-of-town visitor. Obviously none of these people will bring gifts. This may explain the mystery of No. 3. 

9. Mystical gifts

Someone will bestow upon the unborn child a gift to ward off the “evil eye.”  It may be a bracelet or a pin with a black stone called an azabache or a necklace with a blue stone that looks like a fish eye. Either way, that kid is protected from the haters.