9 things every doorman in Miami has heard

ID

1. That IS my ID.

This one is up to the doorman’s discretion. Maybe you really did undergo a drastic change in weight, picked new hair color, or had some work done. But if it’s glaringly obvious that you’re using somebody else’s ID, don’t try to argue it – it just screams “underage.”

 

girl

2. But I’m a girl.

So? There’s no shortage of those in Miami, so don’t expect female status will grant you special priveledges unless its a very slow night or a very generous doorman.

 

beyonce

3. Do you know who I am?

Unless you’re an easily-recognizable celebrity, the bouncer probably doesn’t care.

 

list

4. I’m on a list.

This excuse only works if you’re either a) telling the truth and are actually on a list, or b) dealing with a very lazy doorman who doesn’t feel like reading through all those name on his clipboard.

 

name

5. I know [insert name here].

Like #4, this excuse works best when the doorman doesn’t feel like fact-checking. Just make sure that whatever name you drop is one that carries clout within the nightlife circuit or the club staff. Sometimes you’ll be asked for a last name, so be prepared to give one.

 

DJ

6. I’m with the DJ.

You’ll most likely need to be claimed by somebody inside if this is your line. If you’re not actually with the artist, good luck trying to back this one up.

 

Press

7. I’m press.

If you really are press, you probably already know that half the time press lists are submitted at the last minute, are inacurate or are mysteriously missing. Every journalist who’s worked nightlife knows that building a rapport with the club’s staff is the best way to guarantee unhindered admittance every time, so if you don’t have a contact to call or an email to show, good luck arguing with the doorman.

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