Miami traffic is the worst, obviously. (Well, the seventh worst according to science.) But who are these people driving the streets of Miami that make it so unpleasant for all of us angels who drive with our hands at 10 and 2? If you are looking for a xenophobic rant or cries to revoke the driver’s licenses of anyone over 65, be gone! That is not what we are about here. This is just a look at some of Miami’s most notorious drivers. We all know at least one.
1. People who can’t look away from their cellphones
2. Truck drivers who don’t pack properly
Furniture, suitcases, empty boxes: All things you may have to swerve to avoid on the Palmetto. Why? Because some people don’t understand that Home Depot sells rope. But even the smallest things can cause terror; for example, those trucks transporting a billion tiny rocks that fly onto your windshield.
3. People who never learned to merge
This is not a game of chicken, friends. Either you slow down or speed up, but you gotta let me in.
4. People who cut in the left turn lane
These people have obviously never been in a car accident. Me, I have, so I’ll wait my turn and quietly hate anyone who pulls ahead of me.
5. People who honk at everything
You can honk all day, bro, but I’m moving at my own speed. Exception: you’re forgiven if you’re honking to tell the guy watching cat videos to step on it.
6. People whose cars are super loud
They love to race down the 874 leaving a thunderous cacophony in their wake, and there is never a police officer around to catch them hitting 99 on the Turnpike (note: this will not be the case when you hit 40 in Palmetto Bay).
7. People who drive slow in the fast lane
Older people used to get blamed for this. But now we know the truth – it’s people texting and driving. Or talking and driving. Or putting on eyeliner and driving. Or eating Pollo Tropical and drivng. If you can’t multitask, move over.