The many attempts to curb the python population has failed, but one promising idea recently emerged. The Miami Herald reports that local authorities are considering taking serious action.
South Florida water managers may amp up the state’s failing war against the Burmese python with a new weapon: a paid python posse.
On Thursday, the South Florida Water Management District will consider a proposal to hire hunters, paying them by the hour, plus a bonus for every snake killed, as part of a two-month, $175,000 pilot project. Hunters would patrol only district land in Miami-Dade County, which includes the vast water conservation area where remote tree islands offer hiding places perfectly suited for the well-camouflaged snakes.
1. Tell the foodies python meat is the new kale
Once python meat becomes a foodie trend, everyone is going to want to Insta some #foodporn of the latest celebrity chef’s tapas-style python au jus.
2. Tell Louboutin to make some python platforms
If we could only get the fashion world on board with all things python. Our money is on Project Runway doing a design challenge in the Everglades where the up-and-coming designers have to hunt, kill and skin a python and make the perfect party clutch. In less than three hours.
3. Tell the drug companies that python slime is the new viagra
Has Pfizer really explored all of the healing properties of the python? Not likely. They should send some R&D folks down here, stat!
4. Train the gators to kill the snakes
Poor gators. They used to be the deadliest predators in the Everglades. Then those pythons came in and started mowing down everything from foxes to deer. Now gators are just the stars of roadside attractions, waiting patiently for airboat operators to throw them some marshmallows. Teach them some good ninja moves, organize them into a militia and send them out to protect their native land, and those pythons would be gone in a few days.
5. Let FPL deal with them
What if FPL’s sketchy handling of the cooling canal system at Turkey Point and its leaking pollution into the Biscayne Bay could just be channeled into targeted destruction of the spots in the Everglades where pythons hang out? Get ready to see an itemized python tax on your next FPL bill.