Doorman 101

Hot young hopefuls try their luck on South Beach. Photo: David Bergman

 

By Lesley Abravanel

Getting into a hot nightclub is sometimes a science, sometimes a total crapshoot. Here are some tips, tricks and strategies for a perfect night out.

Q: My wife and I recently were in South Beach. In the evening, we walked along Ocean Drive. We noticed that in front of one of the nightclubs a crowd stood out front and two or three very attractive women chose who could come in. It seems that this method of selecting is or can be discriminatory. Do you know what safeguards South Beach has in place so that certain groups of people are not excluded from clubs that use this method of determining who can enter?

A: Club owners on South Beach prefer to use the word "selective" over "discriminatory." While I do agree that picking and choosing at the door is absolutely horrendous, obnoxious, elitist and, yes, discriminatory, there are absolutely no safeguards to prevent exclusion.

Most, if not all, clubs will either say a person is not dressed appropriately, or that it's too crowded inside and the fire marshals will be after them if they let more people in.

If you happen to be wearing a chartreuse shirt and that doorman/woman had a traumatic childhood incident involving the color chartreuse, you won't get picked. If you have one hair out of place and another door person is OCD and completely bothered by that wayward hair, you won't get in.

If you aren't an Olsen twin, you won't get in. Or you will get in. It's a lot like Vegas. The odds are stacked against you, but at the same time, you never know when you may get lucky. That is, if you consider being let past the velvet ropes into an empty club lucky.

Q: My boyfriend and I will be vacationing in South Beach. I'm 28 and he's 32, and we're from Birmingham, Ala., certainly not the most fashion-forward city in the U.S. What would be an ideal, fashionable look for each of us to ensure that we'll fit in when we visit some of the trendier SoBe dance clubs? We're both fit and attractive, with youthful appearances - we can wear pretty much anything.

A: First things first: If y'all want to be considered fashionable, please, please drop the "SoBe." It's South Beach. Amen.

Now that we've got that straight, let's start with the women first. While this writer hardly proclaims to be the arbiter of fashion, you must know that you should never wear a backless shirt even if you are Olsen-twin thin. It's tacky. Instead, you can always rely on that ubiquitous little black dress, although, when we say little, that doesn't mean so short our photographer will have to black out your privates.

A pair of jeans and a tank top or vintage T-shirt is a good bet as well, and, if all else fails, black pants and a cute top - not backless, remember - will work, too. As for the men, please leave your white tanks - more commonly known by the politically incorrect term "wife-beaters" - and gold chains at home. A pair of jeans and a button-down shirt is always a safe bet, and if you're really cool, try to pull off an edgier look with a T-shirt and jeans.

Unless you're Ashton Kutcher - and even he's put this fad behind him - leave the baseball/trucker cap at home, too.

Q: How much do table reservations cost on the average? Also, can you pay the bouncers at the door, and what would the proper way of approaching the doormen be without ticking them off?

A: Table reservations don't cost a thing, but by reserving a table you are committing to purchasing at least one (or more) overpriced bottles of liquor. The $20 bottle of Absolut you got yesterday at the local liquor store will cost several times that at a club table. High-rollers like to sit at tables and order countless bottles, not caring about the cost. Those who pretend they're high-rollers will gasp at the bill when they get it.

It's worth the price if you don't want to deal with standing room only in a crowded club and would like to get your drink on ASAP. It's not worth it if you're just doing it to feel special.

Most often, those who reserve tables just for appearances are looked down upon, anyway. And whatever you do, do not try to pay off the bouncers. Most of them get offended by it, and the ones who take the money will only be doing you the disservice of letting you into a lame place anyway.

Speak up!

Average rating based on 3 reviews.

1.33333

What you said

11

sandman00500

1

Posted on Mon, 11.24.2008 @ 16:17

*Mostly hype and all about money, South Beach clubs aren't worth the money or dealing with some a-hole neanderthal doorman or whore door woman with a 3rd grade education and a banana. The admittance policy is nothing more than a fire code restriction limitng the number of patrons allowed at once. The owners have turned this into a lucrative "door policy" using the psycholgy people will both wait and pay for something they can't have. Celebrities abound - they are the few that can afford the place and they have an snotty aura of self-importance that is laughable. Once inside its the same old scene at every club - there is nothing different about any of them -the morons at the door, mostly local teens and 20 somethings, lonely guy predators, fancy "table" reservations with $250 Voldka or $500 champagne minimums, $9 beers, $14 drinks and juke box DJ music we've all heard before. You're not missing much, at all. Local bars offer more fun and music than South Beach clubs anyday and there isn't an overgrown monkey doorman anywhere to be seen. ... Read more

11

ginoj

1

Posted on Mon, 11.10.2008 @ 18:42

This is a poor excuse for a column. What you should have done is forwarded this on to the ACLU (Lesley, that stands for the American Civil Liberties Union. Ask around at the Herald, you should be able to find someone that will give you the details on that organization) and asked them for a proper legal ruling on the question. I am sure they would be happy to give your readers a more accurate response.... Read more

52

reefgoddess

2

Posted on Thu, 10.23.2008 @ 11:36

Seriously not a very imppressive article, there's a lot of stuff thats left out that a club going person should know. First, everyone I know that lives on South Beach still calls it Sobe, so this isn't a grand faux pas. The best thing to do before going to a club in Miami is look up their website online, a lot of them have VIP lists for certain nights and some like club Space will even send you passwords on certain nights if you sign up to receive their email. I've seen a lot of tourists on the beach looking out of place in their going out clothes, don't let that happen to you. If you're really clueless, check out crowd pictures from several different clubs and see what everyone else is wearing. The standard tip is the more expensive and glam the club, then the more you need to get dressed up. Watch Miami CSI to get an idea of the glam/metrosexual look you should be shooting for. ;] The best bet for getting past the door is try to come a little early say around 11-11:30, earlier than that and you'll most likely be sitting in an empty club. Put all the hot girls in the group to the front of the line and show some cleavage. If its a group of all guys, pickup some ladies off the street or whatever it takes because unless you're going to a gay bar you all will have very poor chances of getting into to most glitzy clubs without some ladies. If all else fails money talks and patience pays off too. Just try to get as close to the red rope as possible and be polite. Bottle service is super overpriced in Miami and can range from $200-500 per bottle depending on the place. Your best bet is to reserve a table online through the club's website. Sometimes they have better deals like 2 for 1, etc. Its costly, but if you have the dough it can be worthwhile because a lot of clubs like Mansion, SET, etc turn into standing room only for the non-VIP. Another thing, you can create an acount with meetup.com, they have a lot of good nightlife groups that are usually getting in for free. There are a lot of great clubs in downtown Miami now too if you're not so concerned about the Miami beach scene. ... Read more

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