HAPPY B-DAY MIAMI.COM!

My best birthdays always involved a backyard swimming pool, a Publix cake with plastic Barbie or My Little Pony figurines squished into thick pink or purple icing, a sleepover that involved watching movies starring Corey Haim and a pancake breakfast the next morning with my best pre-teen bee-otches.

Now, I celebrate my birthday by disappearing. Throwing a party in my honor would mean having to pour beer swill into the sink when I'd rather be sleeping (or having someone else driving me home), and inviting friends out to dinner would mean forcing them to shell out cash in my honor, which, in this economy (a phrase I'm starting to use as much as old people throw out "when I was your age"), seems obnoxious. So yeah, I just go away.

I'm Not Doing Anything With Matt Damon

I did something I haven't done since college. No, not a keg stand. Though my roommate could funnel a beer like no one I've ever seen. (She was from Kansas City.) I stayed out until like 4 a.m.! I'm one of those nothing good ever happens after 1 a.m. believers, and so I'm usually outtie 5000 by midnight (just to be safe). But just as I was envisioning my cozy bed, in walks... Matt Damon. I'm also one of those people who never thinks a celebrity is actually a celebrity, but instead someone who just really looks like one. So when he walked in, I looked at him and thought, hmm, that guy has a Matt Damon look to him. Plus, he was with friends of friends, and how could I possibly be 3 measly degrees from Matt Damon?

Change We Can Believe In

Bowie sang about it. Barack wants us to believe in it. But seems like some people are taking change for granted these days. Perhaps not so much in the let's turn off the lights when we leave the room or let's not let North Korea build any more nukes kind of change, but rather the change we find in our pockets, couch cushions and jar of your sig-other saving up for a guitar.

Take that new Taco Bell commercial. Scenario: Guy walks up to a coffee kiosk in a mall, barista gives him his change, guy goes to put it in the tip jar and guy behind him in line tells him to save that change because he can go to Taco Bell and buy a burrito with it. That's right, Taco Bell guy totally c*ck blocks barista guy's tip. Did TB guy ever think that maybe barista guy was going to take that tip change and buy his own TB burrito?

FREE TIX!

Before there was Harold and Kumar. Before there was Craig and Smokey. Before there was Saul and Dale. There was Cheech and Chong - and you can see the original cannabis comedy duo 8 p.m. Wednesday night at The Fillmore, where they'll be toking - er, yukking - it up. But I spent my last $40 on a dime bag, Miami.com, you say.

No worries: Miami.com is giving away tickets. We'll give away a pair to the first three people who respond to this blog entry with "I roll with Miami.com!" What else were you going to do that night, anyway? Sit on your couch, listen to the Dead, eat Funyuns and laugh at your cat? Get out of the house and laugh at something that's actually funny. Trust us, Bootsie will totally understand.

Let My People Move

Partly because I'm thrifty, partly because I like to be a good eco-friend and partly because I enjoy a good adventure, I'm a big fan of public transportation. I've schlepped a mondo suitcase through London's Underground during rush hour; same in NYC. Some people get excited about museums or eating a certain food when they go to different cities. I look forward to using their subways, trains, monorails and buses. Which is why it's a tragedy our own public transport system sucks so bad. San Fran gets trolleys, Portland gets a lightrail and Copenhagen has bike paths that are more sophisticated than most auto traffic systems. Save the electric bus that goes around South Beach, which is actually pretty useful and thus a popular mode of transportation, what do we get? A metrorail to nowhere and a people mover that looks pretty cool, what with its ghost driver and all, but is completely user un-friendly. And I don't mean that it's confusing, or that it costs too much (it's free), just that it's downright unpleasant.

A brand... new... camper!!!

Growing up, I was never one of those kids who received a certificate at the end-of-the-year assembly (read: cupcake and game day) for perfect attendance. I seem to recall being sick a lot. (Technically, I'm 'sick' every day... ZING!). Sick with stomach viruses for which I had to down copious amounts of thick, bubble gum-flavored medicine. Or maybe I was just sick of learning cursive ("Rirruto?"). Who knows. What I do know is I loved me some Price is Right. That pause filled with expectation before the curtain is drawn back and you know it's a new car because there hasn't been one yet in the first half of the show yet. And you hope it's a camper, because when you're 7 a house that's also a car is the coolest. That forced smile by the finalist who passes on the prize package with the his & hers dune buggies, thinking for sure there's a maroon Le Mans waiting in the next one, only to be forced to bid on a living room set that looks like it's straight out of the El Dorado clearance center. (Unless it's the Frat Boy in the UCLA Sigma Chi shirt, because he'll go for the dune buggies every time.)

Back to the 'burbs

Yesterday someone at work asked me if I went away for Christmas. I said I did - to Palmetto Bay. That's not going away, he said. Sure it is, I replied. It's an hour away from where I live, and continents away from the world I live in daily.

Not that I'm some kind of baller, partying at my table in the VIP section every night, taking my Bentley to buy $45 cheese at Epicure and passing off philanthropic lunches as "my job."

However, I do go out for a drink or dinner most nights, occasionally take in brunch poolside at the Raleigh and go to concerts whenever someone worthwhile rolls into town.

Win NYE party tix!

You say you want a resolution?

Ooh, ooh, I've got one! How about not spending your life savings on another inevitably lame SoBe New Year's Eve party?

Few holidays are hyped, only to turn out to be a complete let down, more than New Year's Eve. People spend big money to party with d-list celebrities and get completely trashed (don't we do that every night here anyway?), only to realize that at 12:01, the only thing that's changed is your opinion of that girl you didn't think was so hot before that fifth glass of champagne.

I usually avoid going out like the plague, not only because of all the drunkards relying on liquid courage when they get behind the wheel, but because, well, why would I want to ring in the New Year with the same people I try to avoid every other night of the year? So where will I be when the ball drops? In a condo a taxi ride-distance from my place with 20 or so of my closest friends, sipping a few glasses of bubbly, dancing to good music and anticipating a countdown smooch.

Win BCS National Championship Tix

First, full disclosure. I'm a 'Cane. Growing up I was taught to despise the Gators (and the 'Noles, and Ohio State). I even refused to go to UF on the sole basis that doing so would be utter sacrilege.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, we have what even I recognize as a kick-arse contest: 2 tix to the BCS National Championship game. And, as a 'Cane, I know a thing or two about National Championships. Rumors are these tix are going for like two grand (400 smackers for the cheap seats), not that you would win and then sell them to some desperate fan.

You want these tickets. You want them so bad you're going to play our little game, the rules for which you can find here.

Congrats to our winners!

Congrats to our Miami Monopoly winners! If your name is below, check your email (if you haven't already) -- I've got a question for ya:

tommyparke
vianna
PYTpassions
glitterati
marvingt
cklamarre
JosephQ86
MiamiAngel

Remember those marathon Monopoly games you used to play during the holidays with the fam? You'd all go to bed, swearing not to touch the board during the night lest someone would be coming after you with the yule tide log. Inevitably, in the morning the top hat would be on Baltic instead of Marvin Gardens, your anger management-challenged brother would dramatically throw everyone's paper money in the air and mom would say something mom-ish like, "It's so nice to have everyone home. Who wants pancakes?"

Miami.com wants you to re-live those grand holiday memories. That's why we're giving away 10 Monopoly Miami game boards. In this version, locales like Ocean Drive, Fairchild Tropical Garden and the Freedom Tower replace Boardwalk, Marvin Gardens and Connecticut, and Miami-themed game pieces such as an alligator, flamingo and Art Deco hotel replace the thimble, the car and the coveted top hat.

So what do you have to do to score a free board? Simple - build your Miami.com profile. Add your favorite restaurants, nightspots, beaches, museums, 'hoods and sports teams, and, most importantly, don't forget to add a pic. It doesn't have to be you - it could be your favorite shot from a night out on South Beach, your dog, those guys from Flight of the Conchords. Leave a comment on this blog entry that says, "Check me out, Miami.com!" and at the end of next week, we'll pick our ten favorite profiles. If yours is one of them, you get a Miami Monopoly board.

Now if only holidays with the fam were that easy.

-- miaeditor