2009 Amstel Light Burger Bash, Part 1

Another year means another chance for foodies and "celebuchef" lovers to find ways to fork over serious cash for a variety of events in the South Beach Food and Wine Festival. Miami.com is here and ready to check some of these events out, and first stop on this Assistant Editor's roster was a solo trip to the 2009 Rachael Ray hosted Amstel Light Burger Bash.

Being as how the economy is recently tanking, I expected a decent yet not "over-the-top" crowd to head on over to the beach behind the Ritz Carlton South Beach to taste a variety of burgers from top eateries from all over the United States. As I stepped onto the area myself at around 6:45 p.m., excited to be at the event yet cursing my choice of platform shoes that kept sinking into the soft sand, I was surprised to see a healthy amount of people ready to step inside and find out what exactly would be waiting inside the gigantic white tent.

Uncorked '09

Welcome to Uncorked, Miami.com's South Beach Wine & Food Festival blog! Here you will find anything and everything you'd ever want to know about events that you probably didn't have enough money to go to. But you love eating, you love drinking, you love watching chefs on the Food Network make things you never will, so, ergo, you'll love us. Or at least our re-caps of all the big events that are happening this week. Stay tuned...

Happy B-day Miami.com: Week 3

Platinum Weddings and My Super Sweet 16 have got nothing on us. One night of fab? Try a whole month, suckas.

Here's what we have going on this week:

Tonight (Monday), head to any of the Cavas Wine Bar locations from 6-8 p.m. and mention Miami.com to get a $50 wine tasting card for $25.

On Wednesday, get a nap in because we're pulling double party duty. Stop into Blade at Fontainebleau for happy hour, which means 2-for-1 drinks, from 6:30-8 p.m. RSVP here. Grab dinner at Scarpetta (if you've got cashola to spend) before checking out the Spam All Stars at Mansion. The fun starts at 11 p.m. RSVP to editor@miami.com (please include your email address and # of guests) for free admission and drink specials.

Happy B-day Miami.com, Pt Deux (UPDATED!)

If you didn't make it to Miami.com's first weekend of birthday events, you missed out on some quality good times. I missed the burlesque show, but I did see a girl on a leash with a bf and a gf. I can't promise any more leashes (maybe that's a good thing), but I can promise lots more fun, starting with a happy hour at Oceanaire. Complimentary Grey Goose L'Orange Cosmos will be flowing from 6-8:30 p.m., and no need to RSVP. Then on Thursday, we head to Coconut Grove for $5 beer and martinis and a special Miami.com cocktail for $8, all at Cabana One, the new rooftop lounge at the Mayfair hotel. The party starts at 10 p.m., and this one you have to RSVP for. Leash optional.

HAPPY B-DAY MIAMI.COM!

My best birthdays always involved a backyard swimming pool, a Publix cake with plastic Barbie or My Little Pony figurines squished into thick pink or purple icing, a sleepover that involved watching movies starring Corey Haim and a pancake breakfast the next morning with my best pre-teen bee-otches.

Now, I celebrate my birthday by disappearing. Throwing a party in my honor would mean having to pour beer swill into the sink when I'd rather be sleeping (or having someone else driving me home), and inviting friends out to dinner would mean forcing them to shell out cash in my honor, which, in this economy (a phrase I'm starting to use as much as old people throw out "when I was your age"), seems obnoxious. So yeah, I just go away.

I'm Not Doing Anything With Matt Damon

I did something I haven't done since college. No, not a keg stand. Though my roommate could funnel a beer like no one I've ever seen. (She was from Kansas City.) I stayed out until like 4 a.m.! I'm one of those nothing good ever happens after 1 a.m. believers, and so I'm usually outtie 5000 by midnight (just to be safe). But just as I was envisioning my cozy bed, in walks... Matt Damon. I'm also one of those people who never thinks a celebrity is actually a celebrity, but instead someone who just really looks like one. So when he walked in, I looked at him and thought, hmm, that guy has a Matt Damon look to him. Plus, he was with friends of friends, and how could I possibly be 3 measly degrees from Matt Damon?

Change We Can Believe In

Bowie sang about it. Barack wants us to believe in it. But seems like some people are taking change for granted these days. Perhaps not so much in the let's turn off the lights when we leave the room or let's not let North Korea build any more nukes kind of change, but rather the change we find in our pockets, couch cushions and jar of your sig-other saving up for a guitar.

Take that new Taco Bell commercial. Scenario: Guy walks up to a coffee kiosk in a mall, barista gives him his change, guy goes to put it in the tip jar and guy behind him in line tells him to save that change because he can go to Taco Bell and buy a burrito with it. That's right, Taco Bell guy totally c*ck blocks barista guy's tip. Did TB guy ever think that maybe barista guy was going to take that tip change and buy his own TB burrito?

FREE TIX!

Before there was Harold and Kumar. Before there was Craig and Smokey. Before there was Saul and Dale. There was Cheech and Chong - and you can see the original cannabis comedy duo 8 p.m. Wednesday night at The Fillmore, where they'll be toking - er, yukking - it up. But I spent my last $40 on a dime bag, Miami.com, you say.

No worries: Miami.com is giving away tickets. We'll give away a pair to the first three people who respond to this blog entry with "I roll with Miami.com!" What else were you going to do that night, anyway? Sit on your couch, listen to the Dead, eat Funyuns and laugh at your cat? Get out of the house and laugh at something that's actually funny. Trust us, Bootsie will totally understand.

Let My People Move

Partly because I'm thrifty, partly because I like to be a good eco-friend and partly because I enjoy a good adventure, I'm a big fan of public transportation. I've schlepped a mondo suitcase through London's Underground during rush hour; same in NYC. Some people get excited about museums or eating a certain food when they go to different cities. I look forward to using their subways, trains, monorails and buses. Which is why it's a tragedy our own public transport system sucks so bad. San Fran gets trolleys, Portland gets a lightrail and Copenhagen has bike paths that are more sophisticated than most auto traffic systems. Save the electric bus that goes around South Beach, which is actually pretty useful and thus a popular mode of transportation, what do we get? A metrorail to nowhere and a people mover that looks pretty cool, what with its ghost driver and all, but is completely user un-friendly. And I don't mean that it's confusing, or that it costs too much (it's free), just that it's downright unpleasant.

A brand... new... camper!!!

Growing up, I was never one of those kids who received a certificate at the end-of-the-year assembly (read: cupcake and game day) for perfect attendance. I seem to recall being sick a lot. (Technically, I'm 'sick' every day... ZING!). Sick with stomach viruses for which I had to down copious amounts of thick, bubble gum-flavored medicine. Or maybe I was just sick of learning cursive ("Rirruto?"). Who knows. What I do know is I loved me some Price is Right. That pause filled with expectation before the curtain is drawn back and you know it's a new car because there hasn't been one yet in the first half of the show yet. And you hope it's a camper, because when you're 7 a house that's also a car is the coolest. That forced smile by the finalist who passes on the prize package with the his & hers dune buggies, thinking for sure there's a maroon Le Mans waiting in the next one, only to be forced to bid on a living room set that looks like it's straight out of the El Dorado clearance center. (Unless it's the Frat Boy in the UCLA Sigma Chi shirt, because he'll go for the dune buggies every time.)